‘As useless as …’ – 19 hilariously descriptive put-downs

Over on Reddit’s r/AskUK forum, u/Ed_mutts_nuts asked –

What’s a good ‘As useless as?’

They added –

I love the English language and our creations. Someone came out with as useless as a woodpecker with rubber lips at a co-worker today. Cracked me up.

Any more really original ones?

Quite a few originals popped up, along with a few golden oldies.

1.

Raptors40k
Via, Via

2.

A handbrake on a canoe
Wallygonk

3.

A fishnet condom.
Rich_b1982

4.

Fourand20milliondoors
Via

5.

A button on a sock.
Wallygonk

6.

An ejector seat in a Helicopter!
Secretdurham

7.

Lips on a chicken.
xowiejade

8.

A paper bag in a rainstorm.
Far-Fall-2913

9.

Sindud
Via

10.

A reversing camera on a bobsleigh.
OldChorleian

11.

Inflatable dartboard.
Raptors40k

12.

An ashtray on a motorbike.
loki_dd

13.

swimming_marsupial
Via

14.

Solar-powered flashlight.
willowwalloy

15.

Jelly set square.
Mugboard

16.

A snooze button on a smoke alarm.
mondo_the_bored

17.

The letter G in lasagne.
Jess-C-on-Reddit

18.

A one-toothed beaver in a petrified forest.
itspieflavor

19.

A cardboard chip pan.
helpfulcorgi5716

BONUS
u/Unique-Leaning5489 used a different format to convey the same sentiment.

They couldn’t pour water out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel.

READ MORE

17 of the most hilariously inventive takedowns from ‘Rare Insults’ on Twitter

Source r/AskUK Image Irina Kukuts on Pixabay, Sung Jin Cho on Unsplash