The release of ‘Cocaine Bear’ is set to be the high point of 2023 – 15 killer reactions
Back in 1985, a black bear in Georgia died after eating 70lbs of cocaine that had been dropped from a plane by a drug smuggler. So far, so weird.
The unfortunate bear was subsequently stuffed and displayed in the Kentucky for Kentucky Fun Mall, which does nothing to bring any amount of ‘normal’ to the story.
This is how ‘Pablo EskoBear’ is displayed – although the hat changes depending on the season. Really.
Fast forward to 2022, and the trailer has just dropped for Cocaine Bear’s biopic – named ‘Cocaine Bear’. Ronseal would approve.
I'm the bear who ate cocaine. This is my story. pic.twitter.com/txBSiUl5hL
— Cocaine Bear (@cocainebear) November 30, 2022
Presumably, it’ll be a blow by blow account.
Don’t coke the bear. #CocaineBear pic.twitter.com/3FmY8WmAdv
— Cocaine Bear (@cocainebear) November 28, 2022
A couple of the much less hairy cast members shared their thoughts.
The forest is a dangerous place. #CocaineBear pic.twitter.com/ZBNwkUl93A
— Elizabeth Banks (@ElizabethBanks) November 30, 2022
Cocaine Bear and I truly became a family on set https://t.co/baEIaAewEr
— Scott Seiss (@ScottSeiss) November 30, 2022
However triumphant the finished article, it will be a bitter-sweet experience, featuring – as it does – the late and very much lamented Ray Liotta.
not much of a "God Guy." but when you learn that Ray Liotta's final, posthumous performance is in a movie called "Cocaine Bear," and that this is his look in it? well, it's hard not to believe there's some divine architecture glistening behind this pale drape we call "reality." pic.twitter.com/42mmQDZaiB
— john (@johnsemley3000) November 30, 2022
If tweeters’ reactions are anything to go by, it’s going to be the cinematic event of 2023.
1.
“And the Oscar goes to … Cocaine Bear.” pic.twitter.com/G4vDyNCEqT
— Mike Ryan (@mikeryan) November 30, 2022
2.
*record scratch*
*freeze frame*
Yep, that's me. You're probably wondering how I got into this situation. Well, it's kind of a funny story… pic.twitter.com/By0UVw3K3Z
— Jose Marin (@jose_marinjr) November 30, 2022
3.
Them: Cinema is dying
Cocaine Bear: https://t.co/4pPRqmkrtn
— Rob Sheridan (Parody) (@rob_sheridan) November 30, 2022
4.
This is EXACTLY the tone I was hoping for from #CocaineBear. A comedy-thriller-horror-action hybrid about a coked-out bear going on a killing spree. So many studios wondering why they can't get people to go see their movies. This is how. How can you NOT buy a ticket to this?! https://t.co/avVb68ThyS
— John Squires (@FreddyInSpace) November 30, 2022
5.
We need cocaine bear to kickstart a franchise. Weed chimp, crack crocodile, meth hippo and for the grand finale a crossover with Jurassic Park: LSD rex. https://t.co/WEfDD9yfPC
— JoJira 🦖 (@Goji_Saurus) November 30, 2022
6.
Like "Snakes on a Plane" we should recognize that "Cocaine Bear" is a perfect movie title: it tells you everything you need to know. https://t.co/iDGWgUBsx7
— Jeet Heer (@HeerJeet) November 30, 2022
7.
Studios: we need legacy sequels and returning franchises
Universal: yes but also dancing murder dolls and cocaine bears and whatever Jordan Peele wants to do
— Brian Lynch (@BrianLynch) November 30, 2022
8.
This what y'all get for asking for original stories
— The Stepback Pod (@TheStepbackPod) November 30, 2022