Gold reveals the top 10 modern Christmas cracker jokes. Did they pull it off or are they bang out of order?
It’s that time of year again, when people’s thoughts turn to decorations, ‘sprouts or no sprouts?’ and trying to remember who gave you the tat in the cupboard so you can re-gift it to somebody who doesn’t know them.
It’s also the time when Gold TV channel reveals the winners of its modern Christmas cracker joke challenge.
Previous years’ winners and runners-up have included –
When do sheep practice their new dance?
While shepherds watched them floss by night.
What’s the difference between the Love Island villa and the stable where Jesus was born?
The stable has had some wise men in it.
Why didn’t people like the new Apple Mac themed advent calendars?
They didn’t have any Windows.
Now that you know what standard you’re in for – get ready for this year’s successful batch, chosen by an anonymous public vote – and we all know how well those have been going.
In reverse order …
10.
How can you keep your home warm this Christmas?
Tinsulation.
9.
What do people heating their homes and wrapping paper have in common this Christmas?
Both of them are getting ripped off.
8.
Why are the Government having problems with their own version of the Christmas Nativity?
They can’t find three wise men.
7.
What crisps do Phil and Holly serve at their Christmas party?
Skips.
6.
Why has Santa been banned from sooty chimneys?
Carbon footprints.
5.
Why are Will Smith and Chris Rock not having turkey this Christmas?
Because they’ve got beef.
4.
What’s the difference between Liz Truss and a shepherd?
One U-turns and the other turns ewes.
3.
How did King Charles III sign his Christmas cards to his family?
The Artist Formerly Known As Prince.
2.
Why does Kate Bush need to turn the heating off?
She’s running up that bill.
AND THE WINNER IS …
1.
What type of peas ruin Christmas Dinner?
MPs.
Writers of the top six gags received a special box of crackers including their own jokes, while the outright winner – Claire Travers Smith from London – won £1,500 towards a holiday, a festive hamper and a box of bespoke Gold Christmas Crackers containing her winning joke.
If you don’t like those – send us your suggestions.
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Revealed: The Top Ten Xmas Cracker Jokes For 2014
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