Heard the one about the talking vagina? Here’s a wonderful tale from 14th Century France (NSFW)
13.
The lady of the house is eager to have a go on the knight, but knows this isn’t tenable as a married woman, so she decides to send a maid along to give him a go instead.
— Vagina Museum (@vagina_museum) February 22, 2023
14.
The knight is somewhat startled by a naked woman turning up in his bed in the middle of the night. However, after about ten seconds they start making out and things begin to get sexual.
— Vagina Museum (@vagina_museum) February 22, 2023
15.
At this point, the knight talks to the maid’s vagina to ask what it thinks about the situation. The vagina says they were sent there by the lady of the house.
— Vagina Museum (@vagina_museum) February 22, 2023
16.
The maid reacts like any reasonable human whose pussy has just piped up and began telling everyone her business: she freaks the hell out, leaps up out of that bed and runs away.
— Vagina Museum (@vagina_museum) February 22, 2023
17.
The countess is now utterly intrigued by the knight after hearing that he made a woman’s vagina speak. But she decides her vagina is a much better class of vagina and wouldn’t just start chatting with a knight.
— Vagina Museum (@vagina_museum) February 22, 2023
18.
The countess makes a wager with him: she’ll give him £40 if he can make her vagina speak, and if he can’t, he must give her his horse and armour.
— Vagina Museum (@vagina_museum) February 22, 2023
19.
In order to stack the odds in her favour, the countess goes away to prepare. She takes cotton and shoves it into her vagina. The story is specific that she puts at least a pound of cotton inside herself, and that she rams it in with her fist.
— Vagina Museum (@vagina_museum) February 22, 2023
20.
Thus stuffed, she returns to the knight and bids him to do his worst.
The knight asks the countess’s vagina where she’d just gone, and the vagina cannot answer on account of having half a kilo of fabric in it. Whatever the knight tries, that pussy was just not talking.
— Vagina Museum (@vagina_museum) February 22, 2023
21.
He starts to panic, until Huet reminds the knight of his third gift – the Chekhov’s talking butthole, hanging on the wall since the first act.
— Vagina Museum (@vagina_museum) February 22, 2023
22.
The knight asks the countess’s anus why her vagina is being so cagey, and her arsehole honestly answers explaining what the countess had done. Everyone in the room watching (did we mention the entire castle has assembled to watch this?) knows that the countess cheated.
— Vagina Museum (@vagina_museum) February 22, 2023
23.
The count orders her to unstuff her pussy, and when she does, the knight makes her vagina account for why it was quiet earlier. It corroborates the butthole’s account.
— Vagina Museum (@vagina_museum) February 22, 2023
24.
And so the story has a happy ending. The knight wins the money in the wager, and he can now go off and do the tournaments… and wherever he goes, he receives a warm welcome.
— Vagina Museum (@vagina_museum) February 22, 2023
Quite the story, we’re sure you’ll agree. We wonder why there isn’t a Ladybird book version for children?
But what did other Twitter users make of it? Let’s have a look…
1.
Chekhov’s talking butthole was the best bit, imo
— TJ – justice for MMIWG2S (@justiceformmiwg) February 22, 2023
2.
Definitely the weirdest thing I’ve ever read on Twitter
— Ilana (@ilana_abc) February 22, 2023
3.
— 💙💚Rose Bower💙💚 (@RoseBower1981) February 22, 2023
4.
Why have Disney never done a version of this?
— Paul Vindici BA 🏴☠️🏳️🌈 (@Paul_Vindici) February 23, 2023
And, in a phrase we never thought we’d use, you can follow @vagina_museum on Twitter here!
Source Twitter @vagina_museum