Our 25 Favourite Funny Tweets of the Week
13.
OFFICER: and where were you on the night of the murder?
ME: [flashback to me moderating my Mrs Brown’s Boys fansite] it was me… I did the murdering— Marty Lawrence (@TeaAndCopy) March 9, 2023
14.
The most difficult part of writing any book is the dedication, I’ve found. Luckily this time I had an assistant. pic.twitter.com/XOXKHQhLQd
— Lev Parikian (@LevParikian) March 8, 2023
15.
I don't care what nutritionists tell you- tortilla chips ARE a meal. It has everything your body needs:
1.) Tortilla chips
— Ron Iver (@ronnui_) March 5, 2023
16.
I hate it when the waiter comes to the table & asks, “Would you like to see a menu?” What’s the correct response to that question: “No. Let me guess what you have in the refrigerator.” Or “No, I’m not worthy. I’ll just eat the crumbs off of the lap of the old lady at table six!"
— Jim Corbridge (@MrBonMot) March 8, 2023
17.
I’m doing crunches twice a day now…
Captain in the morning…
Nestle in the afternoon.
— mariana Z (@mariana057) March 7, 2023
18.
Just been on a date with a dentist. It went well and she says she'd like to see me again in six months.
— Alf (@whoelsebutalf) March 6, 2023
19.
— Militant Centrist (@EWCiolko) March 6, 2023
20.
Opening Twitter at any given moment is like pic.twitter.com/I08FhQN8BH
— Cian Maher (@cianmaher0) March 4, 2023
21.
I wouldn't have eaten all of the Reese's eggs if my wife didn't leave them out in the open, under the shirts on the top shelf in the back of her closet.
— Dan Regan (@Social_Mime) March 7, 2023
22.
Please give us space to grieve as I “made” my 7 yr old lose his basketball video game this morning by asking his brother if he wants watermelon with his French toast in the next room.
— redyellowgreendance 💃🏻 (@RYGdance) March 8, 2023
23.
My doctor had to reschedule our appointment today and I’m not upset but I do feel like I should get a free prescription of my choice
— Bubs (@based_coded) March 7, 2023
24.
Watched a report about which food contains the most salt. Turns out it's salt.
— Craig Deeley 🇪🇺🏳️🌈 🇺🇦 (@craiguito) March 9, 2023
25.
me: which suit should I wear
her: I like both
[later]
her: how did the interview go
me: he asked why I wear two suits
— alien skier (@clichedout) March 10, 2023
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Our 25 Favourite Funny Tweets of the Week
Image Tumisu on Pixabay