‘What is the best comeback that works against all insults?’ – 20 favourites

Perhaps u/Not_Artifical has some troublesome colleagues – or is just one of those unfortunate people who seem to get insulted a lot. Whatever the reason, they had this question for Reddit.

What is the best comeback that works against all insults?

We suspect a bunch of these would only work in films – but they gave us a laugh, so we thought we’d share.

1.

I bet that sounded a lot cooler in your head.
OhNoOhMySoup

2.

Hold a stare and blank face for at least 3 seconds, and then ask in a concerned tone, “Are you okay?
ndpirate

3.

I envy the people that don’t know you.
Ailok_Konem

4.

Coloeus_Monedula
Via

5.

“Damn people are right about you”.
ihavetoomanyplants

6.

SilkyGoods
Via

7.

“I don’t get why that’s funny. Can you explain it to me?”

As soon as they start talking: “I was just kidding, I don’t actually care what you think.”
tacit_urn

8.

“I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
nissanthropocenex

9.

“That’s what I like about you”.

What?

“Fuck all”.
Employer_Asdditional28

10.

I always respond “I’ve been called worse” and continue with my day. If I’m feeling smug I’ll add ” By better people.”
Large_Natural7302

11.

Apprehensive_pea_209
Via

12.

Literally just laugh. I’ve caught so many people off guard by laughing at the insults they try on me
MidnightSarrow

13.

“You’re right”…whatever it is they’re saying, agree with them and don’t argue. It’s infuriating for them. People insult others with the expectation of causing confrontation so when you don’t take the bait, it drives them insane.
watch_me_daily

14.

Awww. Sweetie. Did that make you feel good?
ProfCatWhisperer

15.

“It sounds like you’re having some big feelings. Big feelings are hard, aren’t they Buddy?”
AerinHawk

16.

“If I wanted to hear something from an asshole, I’d fart.”
Gikine

17.

You simply need to ask calmly and genuinely:

“Why are you making your voice deeper?”

Your opponent is simply unable to talk properly afterwards. If they try just continue to gaslight them into thinking they are. There is simply no further retort – the dispute is over.
VBMyZone

18.

OK first off, you really need to brush your teeth
OMGi_Hafta_poop

19.

“It’s sounds like you’re projecting”, shuts them up quick
AdventurousPaint65

20.

I wish your parents had slept that night.
DueAdhesiveness

But u/akbal7 had the real answer.

It’s the one you think of in the shower 3 to 16 years later.

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When it comes to inventive phrases and insults it seems that Hungarians top the global leaderboard

Source r/AskReddit Image Screengrab