25 Favourite Funny Tweets of the Week
This week’s round-up of treasure from the funny side of Twitter is a day early, so it’s technically the Tweets of the Six Days – but that doesn’t flow as well.
They’re still a wonderful way to unwind for a few minutes. Give your faves a follow.
1.
[ interview ]
cable company: where do you see yourself in five years
me: you mean between 3 and 8 years from now?
cable company: when can you start
me: between monday and july
— fredesque (@FredTaming) April 1, 2023
2.
The 12” version of Kayleigh by Marillion goes on a bit. pic.twitter.com/Av413g4Kp8
— Alistair Coleman (@alistaircoleman) April 3, 2023
3.
I’d have saved a fortune in Botox if my mama had been right and my face had frozen like that
— Mollipop (@mistrustme1) April 3, 2023
4.
My soulmate will be a man who quietly and without judgement watches me buy yet another new plant without mentioning the dozen he’s already seen me kill that week
— Nicki 💗 (@AwkwardAndOdd) April 3, 2023
5.
my mom: “please don’t rile up the dogs when we get home”
me as soon as i see the dogs:
pic.twitter.com/9mCg1Clrmo— parker lyons (@tweetsbyparker) April 2, 2023
6.
I'm not sure how many biscuits it takes to be happy, but so far it's not twenty seven.
— Nope, It's Gone (@Joust_A_Minute) March 31, 2023
7.
Teamwork is essential, it allows you to blame someone else.
— мя gяєєη (@iGreenGod) April 3, 2023
8.
You should be allowed to speak at regular volume at galleries. Oh sorry did I talk over your painting? fuck off
— Glenn Moore (@TheNewsAtGlenn) April 1, 2023
9.
Does anyone else read unusual phrases in the manner of Harry Potter spells? Mrs Toast spotted one in a Boots shop window today which she specifically told me not to post.. pic.twitter.com/AJWgwZHsrg
— HappyToast★ (@IamHappyToast) April 2, 2023
10.
We’ve got a power cut and now I’m boiling water on the hob for a cup of tea like it’s either 1950 or America 🙄
— Red Sky At Night (@redskyatnight) April 3, 2023
11.
The ‘Pyjama Point’ is the point which marks the distance from your home at which it is no longer reasonable to be out and about in your pyjamas/dressing gown/slippers.
Eg the corner shop fine, the garage for some ciggies, questionable, on the bus into town: no.
— Moose Allain Ꙭ (@MooseAllain) April 4, 2023
12.
watching succession is proof that you literally don't need to know what's going on to have a great time. is this how dogs feel
— meredith (@dietz_meredith) April 3, 2023