Doctors have been sharing tales of patients so lacking in common sense it’s a miracle they’re alive – 17 jaw-droppers

10.

‘Not me but my wife who is a vet: had a client who got mad at her because he didnt realize that once he neutered his dog that he wouldnt be able to breed it.’
StrebLab

11.

‘My sister told me a story of a woman with chronic blisters and lesions on her lips. They couldn’t figure out what it was for weeks.

‘It would heal and come back. Heal and come back. Turns out she would jam out on like three bags of salt and vinegar chip a day for weeks at a time until the sores hurt too bad to continue then she’d go to the doctor.’
The-disgracist

12.

‘Not me but my mother would pick up shifts as a nurse sometimes in Labour and Delivery and she had met a handful of women who didn’t know the baby was going to be coming out of their vaginas. Like no clue.

‘My mom usually said something like “how you got it in is how it’s coming out honey”. This was the late 90 early 2000s.’
QuailPuzzled1286

13.

‘I used to be a medical oxygen tech, mostly doing in home work.

‘One guy was on such a high concentration that he would have drawn nearly zero oxygen from breathing regular atmosphere.

‘This required 2 heavy duty machines hooked up in tandem just to keep him barely alive. This was explained ad nauseum to him and his wife with full signed documentation of every conversation.

‘They’d shut one machine off because they decided it was too loud. He’d take his mask off because he decided it was too cold. She would unplug the hose if she decided it was in the way. So on and so on, literally everything you could think of that would restrict or cut off his oxygen intake.

‘Then they would panic and call our emergency service when he started to have a reaction to no oxygen intake.

‘I lived not even 5min away, right beside out EMS/Fire Station, and the call would always come to me to “fix” the machines at random times of the day and night, 3-7 days a week. They refused to call 911 because they ‘didn’t want to make a scene’.

‘This went on for ages, well over 18 months, until he was having trouble sleeping one night and shut the machines off before going back to bed.

‘It’s been years and I still see the wife around town, she always glares at me as if I’m the one who killed him.’
TheAgentLoki

14.

’73 here, former clinical microbiologist, LONG ago.

‘Still, I found myself all over the clinical lab at times, not just infectious disease.

‘So, one day, this 20-something guy (wife and mom in tow) walks in with a paper request for semen analysis, pre-computer era.

‘Ok, not the most comfortable encounter, but I’m a professional and did this drill many times.

‘He had not been briefed by the doc and had no idea how establishing infertility in males was done.

‘Well, OK, a challenge, then.

‘I took him aside and… using standard medical terminology told him how a diagnosis is made and what he needed to do to provide a specimen.

‘He couldn’t/wouldn’t believe that I was asking him to masturbate into that container. Astonished!

‘Then he played dumb, as if the word was unfamiliar to him.

‘We looped through the medical terms and procedure again, and I eventually resorted to every word I knew to describe the “act”.

‘It was like a George Carlin bit!

‘A half hour later, he emerged from the toilet with two inches of urine in the cup. God Almighty.

‘The report went back “patient provided improper specimen”.
BrunoGerace

15.

‘Former practicing surgeon:

‘Male came in with a small bowling pin up his backside, for the third time!’
BeerisAwesome01

16.

‘Woman comes in with no prenatal care to labor and delivery in labor.

‘OBGYN Resident taking a history: Do you have any allergies?

‘Patient: yes I’m allergic to water

‘Resident: …ok… what kind of reaction happens when you drink water?

‘Patient: oh it makes me pee

‘Yeah lady that’s a feature not a bug.’
xsate

17.

‘Paramedic. Elderly woman complains that her mouth is dry and she felt a bit dizzy climbing the stairs earlier. Go through the whole rigamarole of getting a medical history, vitals, more detail on symptoms. Ask her what she’s had to drink today.

‘A cup of tea, ten hours ago.

‘Any water? No.

‘Guess what fixed it within five minutes.’
SpatchcockMcGuffin

Source Reddit u/babyhippo01 Image Unsplash