25 Favourite Funny Tweets of the Week
Welcome to The Poke round-up of funny tweets from the past seven days. We trawl through Twitter so you don’t have to – and also because we like finding funny things.
1.
A real reminder to check the guest wing of your castle. pic.twitter.com/QrzS2eDTc8
— Jemaine Clement (@AJemaineClement) August 4, 2023
2.
Can't unsee the torso-Muppet. pic.twitter.com/IXVDZMdBLO
— Mitten d'Amour (@MittenDAmour) July 31, 2023
3.
Waiter: “Before I take your order, any allergies?”
My brain: “don’t say it don’t say it don’t say it don’t say it don’t say it”
Me: “Penicillin!”— Sooz Kempner | soozuk.bsky.social (@SoozUK) July 31, 2023
4.
– imagine mummy bear didn’t love daddy bear and wanted to move away for a while.
– because daddy bear —
– leave it veronica.
– because daddy bear got caught round the back of the toy box getting a blowie off tracey from the cheese counter at morrisons … pic.twitter.com/cmusyBLBDt— forest fr1ends (@forest_fr1ends) July 31, 2023
5.
When you’re sad because you’ve had too much breakfast pic.twitter.com/s7VC3vU7MH
— Ed Cumming (@edcumming) July 29, 2023
6.
It doesn't matter how hard you run at a mirror. You will NEVER emerge in another dimension.
Also I'm banned from all branches of IKEA
— Sanjeev Kohli (@govindajeggy) July 29, 2023
7.
The great thing about “Jerusalem” is that the answer to every single question is No.
— Eric Idle (@EricIdle) July 29, 2023
8.
I love airplane hangars. Planes are bigger than apartment buildings and they’re like “I need to be indoors now.” OK little buddy, I’ll put on your cartoons.
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) July 29, 2023
9.
10.
my husband has been taking sailing lessons and instead of putting it on our calendar like a normal person he prefers to stand up abruptly, stare out the window, and proclaim "I must go to the sea!"
— Adriana Porter Felt (@__apf__) July 30, 2023
11.
If the sequel isn’t called Barbie II: The Wrath of Ken, they might as well shut down Hollywood forever. #Barbie pic.twitter.com/mbIk6Vncg7
— Alistair Coleman (@alistaircoleman) July 30, 2023
12.
me 1 hour 57 minutes after I’ve said I’m on my way pic.twitter.com/27G29ydxjE
— Sorcha Ní Nia (@Luiseach) July 31, 2023