Our 25 Favourite Funny Tweets of the Week
13.
"You're right, Harold. That is a nasty eye wound". – William the Concurrer.
— GlennyRodge (@GlennyRodge) August 29, 2023
14.
Have never identified more with anyone than I just did with the woman who walked into the grocery store in front of me, shook her head, said “I can’t be making these kinds of decisions today” and walked right back out
— Amber Sparks (@ambernoelle) August 31, 2023
15.
People have a go at Paul McCartney, but I can't think of another pop star who was so talented that I eat his wife's sausages.
— Alasdair Beckett-King (@MisterABK) August 28, 2023
16.
If a bear wears shoes and socks he still has bear feet.
— Oklahoma Department of Wildlife Conservation (@OKWildlifeDept) August 29, 2023
17.
– Have you ever seen a sea lion?
– No, but I have seen a walrus operate a trouser press.— Paul Eggleston (@pauleggleston) August 30, 2023
18.
I admit I’m not very handy, but there are many other areas in which I also do not excel.
— John Lyon (@JohnLyonTweets) August 30, 2023
19.
Them: so you speak Spanish and French, but very poorly?
Me: quinoa
— Jason Not Evil supports the Writers (@JasonNotEvil) August 29, 2023
20.
Did Cinderella have really weird fucked up feet? C'mon, you're telling me that slipper didn't fit anyone else in her neighbourhood
— Ⓜ️isterD (@MisterD78UK) August 31, 2023
21.
In case you’re wondering about my level of authority, I told my kid she can have a snack but she still asked for confirmation from my wife.
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) August 31, 2023
22.
ravioli cooking instructions are always like “bring 7 gallons of water to a boil. cook one ravioli at a time. use new water between raviolis. they don’t like thrifted baths.”
— slate (@PleaseBeGneiss) August 29, 2023
23.
Don't stop thinking about your lunch meal
– Fleetwood Mac (and cheese?)
— Danny (@Mardigroan) August 30, 2023
24.
Can you put some pants on my voodoo doll & pop some money in the pocket please
— Manders (@SunflowerGpsy) August 28, 2023
25.
I love that Popeye has super human strength and he just uses it to fight the bloke down the pub who keeps flirting with his girlfriend.
— Chris Kehoe – Private Intellectual (@MrKehoe79) August 29, 2023
READ MORE
25 Favourite Funny Tweets of the Week
Image Screengrab