25 Funny Tweets of the Week
13.
Is it just me or is Uncle Albert fucking hench? pic.twitter.com/gV877E4Yzv
— Manfuego (@manfuego007) September 18, 2023
14.
My wife wanted me to stain the deck today, so I spilled my coffee and stomped a bunch of blueberries.
That woman has no sense of humour.
— Neener Neener Neener (@neenertothe3) September 18, 2023
15.
Some people like to drink coffee for an adrenaline rush. Not me. Apparently, I like to go grocery shopping at the busiest time of the day, pick the longest checkout line, and forget my wallet.
— Jacana Mommy (@jacanamommy) September 19, 2023
16.
Edward Scissorhands is the story of someone who can't help cutting and poking holes in everything he loves. It's about a cat.
— Jack Boot (@IamJackBoot) September 18, 2023
17.
Me, making a pediatrician appt for my 5yo son.
Receptionist: “What’s his birth year?”
Me: “17”
Them: “2017 or….?”
Me: “Oh yes. 2017.”
In my head: No, 1817. We’ll make the arduous journey to your office in our covered wagon.
— Mediocre Mom (@MediocreMamaa) September 19, 2023
18.
Like an alarm clock but it’s your toddler standing next to your bed with a mascara wand whispering “I make you beautiful”.
— Be Kind Of Witty (@bekindofwitty) September 17, 2023
19.
You're not the sum of your past mistakes, You are your ringtone
— Natalie Would (@FuturePopop) September 21, 2023
20.
me: can you hold this paper on my fridge?
magnet: hell yeah easy
me: what about 2 papers
magnet: do i look like a fucking gorilla to you
— slate (@PleaseBeGneiss) September 19, 2023
21.
Haven’t seen no squirrels lately and all of a sudden mc Donald’s got 50 cent burgers
— Ty ☆ (@cuteasstyy) September 20, 2023
22.
Can I interest anyone in a hot, dusty salad? pic.twitter.com/skzwGLAg8B
— Ben Boven (@benboven1) September 21, 2023
23.
Exorcist came by. Says house isn’t possessed, just incredibly poorly built.
— Kip Conlon (@kipconlon) September 20, 2023
24.
hate when people are chronically late. reveals them to be selfish, scatterbrained, etc. unlike my own tardiness which is always merely a casualty of Poor Infrastructure
— liz hynes (@anticapitalizm) September 18, 2023
25.
Well then maybe they shouldn’t be speeding pic.twitter.com/kdxvti33qS
— A random Brandon (@brandomonium) September 20, 2023
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25 Favourite Tweets of the Week
Image Prostooleh on Freepik