This tale of a London to Edinburgh train journey gone epically wrong is today’s most jaw-dropping read
We’ve had a few nightmare railway journeys in our time – as have you, obviously – but we’ve never had one quite so jaw-droppingly bad as this.
It’s a thread by stand-up, storyteller and much else besides James Nokise which went wildly viral on Tuesday after his trip from London to Edinburgh didn’t go quite so smoothly as he expected.
It was even more prescient given that the future of HS2 is even further up in the air after Rishi Sunak refused to comment on speculation that the project – billions spent, miles of track built, still no trains – will be scrapped.
It’s not just that it was an absolutely appalling journey – although obviously it was – but what it says about the state of the nation’s railways and their operators in 2023.
1.
I’m not quite sure how to explain what’s happened tonight, because it’s still happening – but here goes…
At 4:40pm I jumped on a train from London to Edinburgh..
It was comfy, it was quiet
In hindsight, too good to last…
— James Nokise (@JamesNokise) September 25, 2023
2.
Around 7:26pm I received an email that my train had been cancelled.
This was a surprise because:
a) I was still on a moving trainb) there had been no announcement on the moving train
— James Nokise (@JamesNokise) September 25, 2023
3.
About 10mins later the train manager came on the speaker to say they “heard from passengers” (!) that the train had been cancelled and was going to investigate because everything looked fine to them.
— James Nokise (@JamesNokise) September 25, 2023
4.
Shortly after that, they informed us that the “rumours were true” and the train had been cancelled and would be terminating at the next stop: Preston.
“Where is Preston?” you may ask.
Only god and Northerners know. Even the scot’s weren’t sure.
— James Nokise (@JamesNokise) September 25, 2023
5.
So we got off at Preston.
Apparently there was a connecting train to Glasgow we could get that was being held so we could jump on it.
It turned out that train was full, so as we arrived, it left.
It was around 8pm, and we were told to wait for the next train.. at 9:42
— James Nokise (@JamesNokise) September 25, 2023
6.
Preston Station has a few cafes, and they all were shut except for one coffee stall who saw a couple of hundred people on a platform and went “they won’t need food or hot drink”
So they closed at 9.
No one noticed because at 8:50 the train we were waiting for was cancelled.
— James Nokise (@JamesNokise) September 25, 2023
7.
It turned out there were no more trains “North” after that and, excitingly, no forthcoming information.
Some people stood staring at the screens.
Some people queued to ask the one ticket booth worker the same question everyone else was.
No one knew anything.
— James Nokise (@JamesNokise) September 25, 2023
8.
Around 9:20 news came down:
Alternative transport had been arranged.
Bus? An extra train? Horses?
No.
Taxis. For hundreds of people. To a city 3 and 1/2 hours away.
— James Nokise (@JamesNokise) September 25, 2023
9.
Except we weren’t all going to Edinburgh, because it wasn’t an express train.
Some were going Glasglow, some to Dundee, Carlisle, and other stops.
But all of us queued to be taken away 3-7 people at a time. And if that sounds slow and ridiculous, it was. pic.twitter.com/2LusQ8rHwg
— James Nokise (@JamesNokise) September 25, 2023
10.
Take a moment to appreciate how long the trip to Edinburgh from Preston is, how long the return journey would be.
Think about how big the fare would need to be, and then try and estimate how many various cabs were needed to shift a couple of hundred people off home.
— James Nokise (@JamesNokise) September 25, 2023
11.
Somehow I ended up in the last cab with 3 other strangers, all guys travelling alone.
Probably the correct people to be catching the latest cab in terms of safety.
And also the cast of a 70’s British play.
The time was 10:30.
The train was due at Edinburgh at 10:15.
— James Nokise (@JamesNokise) September 25, 2023
12.
We left the station, and then he pulled into a petrol station to fill up and “grab some snacks”
Fair enough.
The driver then asked us, while holding his android phone, what the post code for edinburgh station is.
We said there two stations. He called his boss.
— James Nokise (@JamesNokise) September 25, 2023
13.
He explained he is only paid to take us to one station and that is Edinburgh station.
We explained Edinburgh has Waverley and Haymarket, but he probably meant Waverley.
He said he would drop us there and only there, as though we were trying to trick him.
— James Nokise (@JamesNokise) September 25, 2023
14.
After a bit of light banter, we realised we all were staying near the same station.
The oldest of our “Cab Team” asked if the cabbie might drop us at our locations, since he was getting a flat rate, and he was not in fact a train, bound by rail lines.
the cabbie refused.
— James Nokise (@JamesNokise) September 25, 2023
15.
So now it is midnight, and I am in a black cab in the middle of nowhere (well, the M6) with three strangers who are all asleep.
One is snoring.
I’m tweeting mainly to both stay awake, and also because I’m worried I went insane somewhere after Stafford and this is a delusion.
— James Nokise (@JamesNokise) September 25, 2023
16.
I will provably give some updates, but also better conserve my phones battery because, as you can see, there’s still 2hrs 20min to go… pic.twitter.com/xvLREGiwEM
— James Nokise (@JamesNokise) September 25, 2023