Our 25 Favourite Funny Tweets of the Week
Got that Friday feeling yet? The weekend is just around the corner, and while we can’t say that all is well with the world, we can say that we’ve gathered some real Twitter treats for you.
If you find someone new that you like, give them a follow.
1.
Washing machine: Hey, your laundry's done.
Me: May I have it?
Washing machine: No, hang on, I need 30 seconds to say goodbye.— Gee Aitch Cee (@Scriblit) October 14, 2023
2.
"What flavour you having?"
"I don't know. Orange?"
"No can do, it's either Lewis Hamilton or Assault" pic.twitter.com/7OC4lfRQvE— Sam Whyte (@SamWhyte) October 15, 2023
3.
11am: gonna buy this gallon of ice cream to have at hand just in case
10pm: *just in case*
— Dx: Moonstruck (@moonstruckinnyc) October 15, 2023
4.
Terrible news, everyone. I had to add fractions today just as the 4th grade teachers foretold.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) October 15, 2023
5.
[my first day as a stock broker]
Me: WHO WANTS TO BUY A BEAR OR A BULL
— Adam Urbani (@YSylon) October 16, 2023
6.
My bank assures me my money is safe with them, yet they keep their pens chained to desks and most of them are missing.
— “Nice Guy” Eddie (@BedlamAndBones) October 16, 2023
7.
It’s easy to watch movies on this plane! Just download our app, set your phone to airplane mode, turn on your wifi, select our wifi, go to our website, enter in the special key, add a photo of your driver’s license, enter your social security number twice, give us your first born
— McDad (@mcdadstuff) October 15, 2023
8.
Don't be afraid to ask questions during a job interview. It's the best way to find out if the person you're interviewing is a good candidate for the job.
— Martin Pilgrim (@MartinPilgrim1) October 8, 2023
9.
my roomba taught me the secrets to winning the Robot War:
Robots…
– don’t respond to yelling
– can’t deal with rugs with tassels
– become obsessed with vestibules
– are defeated by hair
– hate being picked up— Nathan W Pyle (@nathanwpyle) October 16, 2023
10.
Brian Harvey singing
“Stay another day” pic.twitter.com/pVNManN78I— K ❤️ (@misskaren1981) October 17, 2023
11.
I can hear a loud scraping noise coming from outside my neighbours’ house. She’s either been buried alive in a coffin under her lawn or she’s removing ice from her windscreen. I’m really hoping it’s the former as it’s too cold to be pissing around scraping ice off my car.
— Flups (@TheRealFlups) October 16, 2023
12.
— Kristi Yamaguccimane (@TheWapplehouse) October 16, 2023