Our 25 Favourite Funny Tweets of the Week
Hello and welcome to the Poke’s weekly round-up of the things that made us laugh on Twitter – not counting Elon Musk‘s sales figures.
If you find someone new that you like, give them a follow.
1.
People are often skeptical about the spiritual world, but a clairvoyant once told me I had a gift, and when I got home, there was an envelope on the mat with a free pen in it from Help The Aged. So it just goes to show it’s always worth keeping an open mind.
— Jason (@NickMotown) October 24, 2023
2.
— ShitpostGateway (@ShitpostGate) October 27, 2023
3.
Feeling inspired by this parking machine. pic.twitter.com/usiv3DuAej
— Simon Harris – Man Behaving Dadly (THAT’S DADLY) (@simonharris_mbd) October 22, 2023
4.
saw a hinge profile that said "dom. cinephile." like what, are you gonna tie me up with an HDMI cable and make me watch the seventh seal?
— Rachel Elizabeth (@chaotic_sub) October 20, 2023
5.
My daughter just said Ross Noble looks like what would happen if you gave Robert Smith some Micellar Water. pic.twitter.com/Pdpsgl8AuH
— Hannah O'Hanrahahanrahan (@buntyhoven) October 26, 2023
6.
Literally everyone is getting married pic.twitter.com/k3MOVXzY0I
— Hanna Dickinson (@hansdickie) October 23, 2023
7.
It's always a bit mad to me that Michelin's main business is rubber tyres, but they also run a globally recognised restaurant rating system.
Like if Greggs did baked goods as their main business but also works as OFSTED
— Dr Philip Lee (@drphiliplee1) October 23, 2023
8.
Hell hath no fury like a 5 yo who doesn't want his brother to stare at him in the car.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) October 21, 2023
9.
I took a stuffed dog to the Antiques Roadshow.
The expert said, "This is very rare. Do you know what it would fetch if it was in good condition?"
I replied, "sticks or a ball I suppose?"
No you shut up
— Gwendolyn (@GLB_88) October 25, 2023
10.
I think I’ve got repressed memories. I don’t remember what I ate for lunch yesterday.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) October 26, 2023
11.
Not to be one of those conspiracy theorists but the Krusty Krab, where SpongeBob worked, was definitely a shell company.
— FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF (@sofarrsogud) October 23, 2023
12.
Congressmen leap into action as the House of Representatives gerbil makes a bid for freedom pic.twitter.com/CwUzHmNkUj
— Fancy Brenda ️️⚧️ (they/she) (@SpillerOfTea) October 26, 2023