‘What is the joke that you can’t tell people, because you die of laughter?’ 20 suggestions
11.
Why can’t a T-Rex eat an ice cream?
Because they’re dead.
Mt_splashmore
12.
Why was the scarecrow promoted?
Because he was out standing in his field.
Scarletteapot
13.
Did I ever tell you my grandad was killed by a zulu?
He was having a shit at Whipsnade and the roof collapsed.
cyberhaggis
14.
What did the sea say to the sand? Nothing, it just gave a little wave.
Internal-fall-266
15.
A Tibetan monk opens a tub of spread and sees the face of Jesus
He says “I can’t believe it’s not Buddha.”
Colink98
16.
ChipCob1
Via Freestock
17.
What do you call a Hamster that can code in C++, speak multiple languages and teaches 17th century French poetry?
One fucking amazing Hamster!
Nategg
18.
What do you call a dog with no tongue?
Smelly bollocks.
Cautious-carrot-1111
19.
What do you get if you cross whale DNA with human DNA?
Banned from SeaWorld.
Prodigious_wind
20.
I saw a mate walking down the street wearing smart clothes and carrying a long, thin black case. I crossed over and said “Hello mate, going to the snooker hall?”, “No mate” he said In a rather disheartened manner. “My snake died!”
Adymann
ghostlight1969 had this heartwarming story to share.
A family was having an extension built and their 4-year old daughter was absolutely fascinated by the process. She ended up helping the builders out by using a toy wheelbarrow to move rubbish away, bringing them biscuits and asking questions about building. The builders adopted her as one of their own, buying her a little hi-vis jacket and a pink safety helmet with her name on it. At the end of the week they chipped in and gave her a wage packet with £10 in it.
When the builders left for the weekend, the little girl told her mum about how much she had loved working on the building site.
“And are you going to be helping again next week?” her mum asked.
The little girl replied “I dunno, it depends if those c*nts at Taylor’s deliver the fucking bricks when they said they would…”
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What do you call a Hamster that can code in C++, speak multiple languages and teaches 17th century French poetry?
One fucking amazing Hamster!
Nategg
What do you call a dog with no tongue?
Smelly bollocks.
Cautious-carrot-1111
What do you get if you cross whale DNA with human DNA?
Banned from SeaWorld.
Prodigious_wind
I saw a mate walking down the street wearing smart clothes and carrying a long, thin black case. I crossed over and said “Hello mate, going to the snooker hall?”, “No mate” he said In a rather disheartened manner. “My snake died!”
Adymann
A family was having an extension built and their 4-year old daughter was absolutely fascinated by the process. She ended up helping the builders out by using a toy wheelbarrow to move rubbish away, bringing them biscuits and asking questions about building. The builders adopted her as one of their own, buying her a little hi-vis jacket and a pink safety helmet with her name on it. At the end of the week they chipped in and gave her a wage packet with £10 in it.
When the builders left for the weekend, the little girl told her mum about how much she had loved working on the building site.
“And are you going to be helping again next week?” her mum asked.
The little girl replied “I dunno, it depends if those c*nts at Taylor’s deliver the fucking bricks when they said they would…”
Old jokes, new jokes, bad jokes, dad jokes – 17 funny favourites
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