England’s fish are ‘full of cocaine’ and the jokes almost wrote themselves – 19 high points
Without wishing to put anyone off their breakfast (or dinner etc, depending on when you read this), it’s no secret that England’s waterways are full of crap, but an item on Good Morning Britain reminded everybody of what might be in the crap.
'Every single marine species that we've looked at so far is full of cocaine.' – Professor Alex Ford
Figures are expected to show last year was the worst for sewage spills in England since monitoring began. pic.twitter.com/Pj6QlHQYEe
— Good Morning Britain (@GMB) March 27, 2024
Sewage in our water means every marine species is “full of cocaine” https://t.co/BoF2Ta19bJ
— Susanna Reid (@susannareid100) March 27, 2024
With a shocking four million hours of sewage discharge into English bodies of water in 2023, it’s a wonder they can detect any water in the crap and cocaine.
Is there a more obvious sign that our waterways have become a massive public toilet than they’re full of coke https://t.co/m3vBL5Ocnm
— Nooruddean (@BeardedGenius) March 27, 2024
While the disgusting findings are obviously a massive cause for concern, they inevitably led to a lot of jokes. These were our favourites.
1.
2016: sunlit uplands
2024: cocaine sewage beasts https://t.co/OmQGWtYJL5
— Toby Earle Threads tobyontv (@TobyonTV) March 27, 2024
2.
I don't understand, how are they rolling up the bank notes? https://t.co/a9F5NMZrEc
— HENRY MORRIS (@mrhenrymorris) March 27, 2024
3.
But that's ok, coz we're all sorted out for eels on whizz. https://t.co/AIG2Z6sq0Z
— Sam Whyte (@SamWhyte) March 27, 2024
4.
This is obviously very concerning and serious but I am also having a little giggle imagining a fish with paranoia grinding it's jaw like there's no tomorrow. https://t.co/jRplUEMe0N
— Oscaaargh ️⚧️ (@SkeletonOscar) March 27, 2024
5.
"The pike have survived, but they now talk the arse off you about their latest business startup idea…"
— Stephen McGann (@StephenMcGann) March 27, 2024
6.
The drug barons should be lobbying the water companies to stop this pollution. Otherwise their clients won’t need to buy their products in future, as they’ll simply just have to eat more fish. https://t.co/4S1XJb2GZP
— rab livingstone (@rablivingstone) March 27, 2024
7.
hi @ElizabethBanks just wondering if you’d do Cocaine Fish https://t.co/iB2xYfjXjz
— Toby Earle Threads tobyontv (@TobyonTV) March 27, 2024
8.
https://t.co/xpNawAOHPy pic.twitter.com/YTRkLVjBqv
— barney farmer (@barneyfarmer) March 27, 2024
9.
Well, at least someone’s having a good time… https://t.co/L508UMNgWd
— David Andress (@ProfDaveAndress) March 27, 2024
10.
Britain's fish after a sewage overflow https://t.co/uLFtggh4NL pic.twitter.com/zJ9633Y6EK
— Graeme Demianyk (@GraemeDemianyk) March 27, 2024