Entertainment relationships

21 favourite reactions to the relationship minefield of ‘101 ways a man can please a woman’

Oonagh Keating. Updated April 22nd, 2024

2024 minds are boggling at an extract from a 1972 book called How to Make Your Wife Your Mistress by marriage guidance expert, Lois F. Bird, who wrote many books on relationships – often with her husband as co-author.

The first half of a section titled 101 ways a man can please a woman was posted on Twitter/X by Sarah – @idlewildgirl.

It’s a little tricky to read, so here’s the text version.

Here’s a year-round list of suggestions to help your man be more loving and attentive. Just leave it lying handily about..
By LOIS BIRD

1. Give her a single long-stemmed rose.
2. Write a love note and leave it on her dressing-table while she’s still asleep
3. Send her an unsigned telegram saying “I Love You.”
4. Buy a continental quilt
5. Serve her breakfast in bed. Include a bunch of wild flowers on the tray.
6. Have a happy memory snapshot framed as a “no special occasion” gift
7. Give her a shampoo. Make it a very sensual experience
8. Buy her a new address book. Copy out all the names-if you dare
9. Buy her a rubber duck for the bath.
10. Install pink bulbs in the bedroom
11. Give her a picnic basket for two.
12. Fill the basket with chilled wine, smoked salmon, cheese, strawberries and a book of erotic poems
13. Take her on a picnic bring a blanket and pillows.
14. Take her walking in the rain.
15. Take her to a romantic old film. (A Man and a Woman, Jules et Jim.)
16. Plant a tree in her name. Details from The Commemorative Tree Company, Castle Hedingham, Essex.
17. Buy two matching bone china coffee cups and saucers.
18. Send her out for the day, then have the house cleaned.
19. Burn incense in the bedroom.
20. Buy some beautifully scented body lotion and give her an all-over massage.
21. Spend an evening going through her wardrobe. Tell her which are your favourite clothes and (tactfully) which she should discard
22. Buy her a herbal pillow.
23. Go bicycling with her. You can hire them
24. Give her a gift certificate for a day at a beauty salon.
25. Squeeze fresh orange juice for her.
26. Take her to the zoo.
27. Get a jigsaw made from a photograph of her face. Details from Joe Andrews Ltd. 1/2 Great Chapel Street, London W1.
28. Photograph her and take trouble over doing it
29. Install a telephone-type shower attachment in the bath
30. Plan a surprise weekend holiday. Get her to pack her suitcase but don’t tell her where you are going
31. Get her a library ticket
32. Have her horoscope cast
33. Take over the cooking for an entire weekend. Plan the menus, do the shopping, cook and clear up.
34. Buy her a book about your favourite painter. Spend time explaining what turns you on
35. Thank her the next morning after lovemaking. Tell her how great it was
36. Keep your clothes picked up and on hangers.
37. Fill her cigarette lighter.
38. Repair something around the house without being asked.
39. Make love to her by the light of the Christmas-tree lights on Christmas Eve.
40. Bring home a bunch of violets to be discovered on her pillow.
41. Write an erotic short story or poem for her.
42. Keep the alarm clock on your side of the bed or, better still, replace it with a clock-radio which you have tuned to tranquil music.
43. Wash and vacuum her car.
44. Start a hobby together.
45. Buy her a collection of tights in pastel colours
46. Buy her some stockings and a suspender belt
47. Install stereo speakers in the bedroom
48. Enroll in a foreign-language course with her, the language of a country you plan to take her to someday.
49. Take her to a football game. Bring a flask of brandy.
50. Tell her (it’s never too often) how much you enjoy being with her, how often you think fiery, erotic thoughts about her
51. Ring her at the office and invite her to lunch

We’re not saying there are no good ideas there – just that some are baffling, while others are a guaranteed shortcut to a break-up.

People very quickly sorted the ‘AYEs’ from the ‘HELL NOs’.

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