People shared the most abominable things they’ve seen at a UK festival and you might need a shower after this little lot (NSFW!)

As summer draws to a close, so, sadly, does festival season, leaving us bereft of good bands and happy times with friends for another year. However, over on the Reddit forum AskUK, user Sad-Carpenter-1271 posed the following question:

What is the most outrageous/disgraceful/nsfw thing you’ve seen at a UK festival?

And the somewhat disturbing answers might make you feel less upset about not having to attend one of these debauched nightmares for a while. If you don’t like stories about full-to-bursting portaloos (and much, much worse) then please look away now. Seriously!

1.

‘So many…

Guy’s mates push over the portaloo he’s in, then turn it fully upside down. Second day of three, so it was full and he had another day to go without a shower.

Guy speeding down a campsite hill on a child’s pedal tractor which was on fire.

Guy face down, comatose at 11am outside dance tent wearing a hi vis jacket with “swedge king” scrawled on it in permanent marker (swedgers = ecstasy)

Guy running away with the drugs amnesty bucket at the entrance.

Post-festival clean up staff running over abandoned tents with a Land Rover to break them down, without checking if there were still passed-out people inside.’
–pish_flaps

2.

‘Unfortunately, myself being an idiot, with my new phone in my back pocket, slipped straight out into the portaloo on day 3. I closed my eyes, hand straight in to receive it, touching multiple tampons and shit. A member of staff came and assisted me with the clean up operation, I was doused in sanitiser and then waited 2 hours in the Q for a shower.

People obviously saw this take place, I was so embarrassed but thankfully everyone was cheering, someone gave me a beer and I was on my merry, shitty way.’
–TangerineFew6830

3.

‘Download 2008, group of guys camped across the path from us challenging people to ‘down this beer as quick as you can’. Obviously it’s piss. One kid did it, got half way and went ‘Urgh, is this piss?’. ‘Quick, you’re beating the record’, said the guy in a Mexican poncho. Matey then downed the rest to cheers and high fives all round. Ten minutes later he walked past again and was convinced to try again because ‘someone just beat your record.’
–BlueytheSwan

4.

‘I was in the slightly posher toilets at a festival, it was very wet and muddy so the floor was slippery, a guy came in and slipped over, as he went down he grabbed the guy stood next to me having a piss and he pulled him down with him, so they both ended up on the floor covered in mud and this one guy pissing on himself and the guy that pulled him to the ground.’
–Gloomy-Succotash-480

5.

‘Poo girl at Leeds fest! We were outside the toilet complex and there was a big commotion with loads of paramedics and emergency services.

Didn’t see exactly what went on but a lass fell into the long drop toilets whilst trying to fish out her handbag which she’d dropped into the toilets.’
–buzzbuzz99

6.

‘I saw a group of kids, probably no older than 18, sniffing fluorescent green bath salts in the queue for the Co-op at Creamfields 2019.

Once I’d got into the Co-op and I’d got all my stuff I went to the till. While I was there a topless man pushed through the way out and shouted ‘DO YOU SELL KET?!?’, stood there for a few seconds and as security came over he stormed out.’
–Harpzeecord

7.

‘Glade Festival 2007. It was a quagmire as far as the eye could see. Just off the main stage is where the portaloos were. I noticed the loos had flooded and the steam of shit went right to the ground we were dancing on.

Cue a slow motion psychedelic epiphany of me watching people writhe around in shit infested mud, having mud fights, some covered top to bottom. It was disgraceful and glorious at the same time.’
–Lebowski85

8.

‘Treating someone with actual trenchfoot.’
–Fearless_Spring5611

9.

‘Sonisphere 2010. I was waiting for Placebo to start playing and two girls squatted in front of me in the crowd and started pishing right there and then. They then got up, started dancing and lost their footing, ending up landing and rolling about in the massive puddle of pish they had just made.’
–Wendigo1983

10.

‘At Glastonbury (2004? Whatever year Radiohead headlined) saw a naked woman lying down in front of a smaller stage, legs akimbo towards the crowd being ‘nice’ to herself. My jaw nearly hit the floor on that one.’
–Spare-Cell1371