25 Favourite Funny Tweets of the Week
It’s getting a bit chilly in our neck of the woods, and that has just lent itself to a bit more scrolling than usual – doom and otherwise.
As well as the horrible news stories and Elon Musk trying to render his own platform unusable, we’ve spotted some very funny stuff that we’d love you to see. Share your favourites.
1.
It's the ORDER of mankind's accomplishments that fascinate me. In 1969, we put men on the moon. In 1970, we put wheels on luggage.
— Just Bill (@WilliamAder) October 15, 2024
2.
Nothing is hungrier than a Roomba that sees a charger cord.
— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) October 15, 2024
3.
Me: I am a goddess. I was born for greatness. I will paint these shutters myself.
Me halfway up a 20-foot ladder: I am a land mammal. I was born with gravity. I will pay someone else to paint these shutters.
— Jennifer Parker (@Mrs_JParker) October 14, 2024
4.
Not sure it counts as gaslighting, but I've spent the past 40 years pronouncing "Orangutan" as "Orangutang" and I'm holding our entire education system responsible.
— Taffy Sinclair (@raincoatworms) October 18, 2024
5.
— horse dentist (@equine__dentist) October 12, 2024
6.
Everything in October doesn't have to be spooky, you don't go to the doctor and get a spooky enema.
— Brock (@Brock_Teee) October 16, 2024
7.
Today is the 958th anniversary of the Battle of Hastings; or as I prefer to call it "Brentry"
— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) October 14, 2024
8.
Cat 1: hey let's have a big fight and trash this place
Cat 2: ok, but let's wait till the human is in a deep sleep for maximum effect
Cat 1: smart. imma barf between the couch cushions while he's brushing his teeth tho
— ' (@BrickMahoney) October 15, 2024
9.
Not to diminish smokers, but I can smell bad and be terrible at cardio without needing a scapegoat like smoking
— Joel Jeffrey (@joeljeffrey) October 16, 2024
10.
TSA guy searched my bag. Found my idol light sticks.
Him: "The hell are these? Mini Yoda lightsabers?
Me: "Oh they're just light sticks. For concerts and stuff."He then fucking leaned in and did a Yoda voice.
"MMH. MASTER RAVER, I AM." He said.
Blindsided me.
— Andrew 'Steiner' Hodgson (@DistantValhalla) October 14, 2024
11.
When we’re young we are told that we should trust our elders but my dad used to tell me that there’s a breed of fish that only swims backwards because they want to keep their eyes from getting wet so…
— Ghostface Kryllah (@kryzazzy) October 16, 2024
12.
From what I've learned on social media, the British only have two emotions: chuffed or gutted.
— Algonquin K Farquhar, Esq (@buddhatree) October 17, 2024