Sausage-quaffing gurus and trails of diarrhoea: Meet Reddit’s worst ever hotel guests

A perennial preoccupation of filmmakers, storytellers and visual artists, hotel lobbies are fascinating places. Weird, wonderful and, apparently, occasionally worrisome.

Most of us, when enjoying the hospitality of such establishments, are able to remain blissfully unaware of the more questionable goings-on. It’s the receptionists – and cleaning staff – who bear the brunt.

Thankfully, Reddit user Riddlersoul had the clever idea of posting the following question in the r/AskReddit forum:

Dear hotel receptionists of Reddit, who was the most horrible guest you have ever encountered?

We’ve gathered some of the more stomach-churning, faith-in-humanity-destroying and downright bizarre responses. Some of them will have you reaching for a bucket – and/or vowing never, never ever, to work in hospitality. We will forever be indebted to the cleaners of the world.

1.

The ‘aura didn’t vibe’ 

There was this one guest who demanded a room upgrade because “their aura didn’t vibe” with the one they booked. When told no, they started yelling, cursed the staff, and threatened to leave a bad review—only to call back later asking for a discount because they forgot their wallet.

–KsenyaNagnatova_

2. 

Bananas and a ‘shit ton of sausage’

We had a guru and her two associates come in once. The associates weren’t allowed to speak. The guru called down to the front desk because the polyester mattress cover was interfering with her aura. She said she had to have a natural cotton fiber cover. So we found a different brand, cut out the tag that said polyester, told her it was cotton and put it on her bed. Next day she reported her aura was fine after sleeping on the “cotton” cover.

While we were changing her bed, her associates ate the entire week’s worth of bananas in the dining room plus a shit ton of sausage. Neither one of them weighed over 100 lbs.

–TraditionScary8716

3.

A faulty claim of ‘faulty plumbing’

Had a guest who clogged the toilet, blamed us for ‘faulty plumbing,’ and then left a handwritten complaint on the bathroom mirror in lipstick. 10/10.

–HillQuest1

4. 

A ‘trail of diarrhoea across the lobby’

Probably the guy at a stag party who managed to shit himself in the lobby and then run away pursued by security as he dribbled a trail of diarrhoea across the lobby, up the stairs, in the lift, etc, like the world’s worst Hansel and Gretel. When security caught up to the (surprisingly fast) drunk guy, he had made it to the first floor public bathroom and flooded it trying to flush his trousers and underwear. Just standing there, runny shit dripping down his legs and full bait and tackle swinging in the breeze.

–lil_poundcake

5. 

‘I ate that shit face first’

I once stayed at a hotel next to an event centre I was volunteer staffing at.

I had a hotel room in a hotel 300m from the event centre.

The bridge over the railway between the event centre and the hotel was shut for repairs and the detour was 8 miles. I hadn’t slept for 48 hours mid event and decided I absolutely had to sleep right then, so I decided to climb across this building site of a railway bridge at about 2am. I stumbled and fell on a pile of wet cement gravel, and I mean I ate that shit face first at full speed. I got up and blearily stumbled back to the hotel and crawled into bed.

In the morning I woke up and as I got down to the ground floor of the hotel there was gravel EVERYWHERE. There was a trail of it right through the hotel lobby back to the entrance and staff frantically trying to sweep it up. Apparently “some drunk guest” had traipsed it in…

–OMGItsCheezWTF

6. 

He wanted ‘rubber duckies’ in the bath

We had a creepy old man come up to me, asking me to bring rubber duckies to his room for his bath every night in a 5 star hotel.

We had another guest whose kid walked a turd 12 ft in a line into the pool, then demanded we clean up their child’s poo.

–stickbugbitch

7. 

‘Can’t you do something about the deer so we can enjoy nature?’

I worked in a National Park that had homeowners in it. One day a woman came in very upset demanding we do something about the deer eating the flowers in her garden.

Her words were, “Can’t you do something about the deer so we can enjoy nature?”