17 insults that prove you can be perfectly mean without uttering a single swear word

When we were young – my brothers and me – we had a thing where, for 5 minutes from 6pm on a Sunday, we could say any swear words we wanted.

The idea was that we could enjoy the thrill of saying profane words without weighing them down with negative emotion. We could get them out of our system, exorcise them, during this grace period, without fear of recrimination.

Eventually, simply swearing for 5 minutes got old. We mixed things up a little. We played a game called Best Combination Swear, or How Many Swear Words Can You Say Without Pausing.

Then, we had a game where we had to invent the best insult that didn’t contain any swear words. For some reason, we still played this only during the 5-minute grace period on a Sunday.

One week, I won with “soft pie”. But these Redditors’ suggestions cut much deeper than that.

They’ve been sharing their responses to a user who asked the question –

What’s your best insult without using a single profanity?

Try them out next time you need to get someone real bad.

1.

You need to stop thinking with your mouth.
–Ok-Virus-7281

2.

You’re impossible to underestimate.
–Zeppelin59

3.

I envy the people who haven’t met you yet.
–litsalmon

4.

Are you upset because of your haircut?
–Euphoric_Doughnut289

5.

My buddy got banned for a month on Facebook during covid for saying “you absolute potato” in an argument.
–TBayChik420

6.

I once read a reddit comment from a Brit calling a clueless, inconsiderate person a “potted plant.” Been wanting to use that ever since!
–Geauxst

7.

You look easy to draw.
–Jurazik

8.

When your parents said you could be anything you wanted, this is what you landed on, hey?
–atheros98

9.

All your teachers returned your tests face down, didn’t they?
–baphomet_baby