Life digital

This American’s rant at the everyday irritations of the digital world went wildly viral and it’s surely the most fabulously relatable thing you’ll read today

John Plunkett. Updated February 11th, 2025

You don’t have to be a person of a certain age to appreciate this but, actually – scratch that – you probably do.

It’s a magnificent rant at the tiny (and sometimes not so tiny) everyday irritations of the digital world we live in right now that’s just gone wildly viral on Twitter for reasons which will presumably become obvious.

It was pasted by Robert Sterling – @RobertMSterling on Twitter – who describes himself as an M&A guy, investor, and CFO. Former USMC. Vibes rarely serious but always positive. Let’s talk business!’

Here’s what he had to say.

And this is it in full.

‘I don’t want to connect my coffee machine to the wifi network. I don’t want to share the file with OneDrive. I don’t want to download an app to check my car’s fluid levels.

‘I don’t want to scan a QR code to view the restaurant menu. I don’t want to let Google know my location before showing me the search results. I don’t want to include a Teams link on the calendar invite.

‘I don’t want to pay 50 different monthly subscription fees for all my software. I don’t want to upgrade to TurboTax platinum plus audit protection. I don’t want to install the Webex plugin to join the meeting.

‘I don’t want to share my car’s braking data with the actuaries at State Farm. I don’t want to text with your AI chatbot. I don’t want to download the Instagram app to look at your picture.

‘I don’t want to type in my email address to view the content on your company’s website. I don’t want text messages with promo codes. I don’t want to leave your company a five-star Google review in exchange for the chance to win a $20 Starbucks gift card.

‘I don’t want to join your exclusive community in the metaverse. I don’t want AI to help me write my comments on LinkedIn. I don’t even want to be on LinkedIn in the first place.

‘I just want to pay for a product one time (and only one time), know that it’s going to work flawlessly, press 0 to speak to an operator if I need help, and otherwise be left alone and treated with some small measure of human dignity, if that’s not too much to ask anymore.’

Oh, and also …

And it prompted no end of love and support on Twitter. Here are just a few of the many, many things people said in response.

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