This story of a stinky fart at work opened the floodgates, and 16 more people let rip with their pungent anecdotes
Over on the extremely self-explanatory r/Jobs Reddit forum, someone named Future_Bison_7533 had an embarrassing confession.
I farted in the stairwell at work and it caused a entire ordeal.
Aah – the beauty of internet anonymity. They added –
“So anyway, I drank my usual morning protein shake and it gave me some bubble guts.
Im going up the stairs to my office and I ripped a huge fart in the stairwell. It was one of those steamy ones that really stink.
Anyway I guess the SVP of HR came in not long after and got a big face full of my beef.
She contacted the facilities team and they came to a conclusion that a rodent must have died in the walls or HVAC.
This led to them getting big blower fans and calling our HVAC company to check out the ducts and Orkin to scout out the walls.
Anyway that’s my story.”
Now, you only have to be a regular commuter to know that public farting is not rare. Once they’d got wind of the story, other Reddit users were keen to make similar confessions – or to grass up some other stinky-arsed individual.
1.
One morning we thought the sewers backed up, or the exhaust fan caught on fire, in the men’s room because it smelt so bad it would literally sting your eyes. I had to put an out-of-order sign on it until a plumber could come. It was unusable for a whole day. Co-worker pulls me aside the next day saying it was him, he just had a really terrible shit.
hafetysazard
2.
I was at the zoo, the polar bear exhibit. Let a post- coffee stinker sneak out. I blamed it on the group of kiddos, but it was me. Cleared out the entire exhibit. Polar bear since died too… I’ve always wondered if I was to blame.
kylewanderlust
3.
One of my worst public bathroom experiences came from a work bathroom. It was a multi stall (only 2) I was in one and another dude in the other. I don’t know what that fucker ate but he released a torrent of funk untold before in all of human history (probably). Like literally the longest loudest gas passing I’ve ever witnessed. Like cubic YARDS of gas. It was so sulfuric that I was literally gagging in the next stall and couldn’t finish till I composed myself.
Scarrita
4.
One time someone guilted me into eating a banana they had brought me for breakfast even though I’m allergic to bananas. I ate half the banana and then immediately said PULL OVER. So we pulled into a Walmart and I ran inside and had the most ungodly shit of my life in the public restroom. In the middle of it, a mother and two children came in. The little girl was AUDIBLY gagging and choking and said “MOM PLEASE IT SMELLS REALLY BAD IN HERE” almost in tears. I, too, was almost in tears. The funniest part is that the little boy just came and did his business in the stall next to me with zero complaints.
gentle_shart
5.
I worked in a small office and the bathroom door opened right into the room. Right by the cubicles. I walked in one morning and smelled something weird. I said, “What’s that smell?” “Smells really weird.”
There was only one woman there ahead of me and she was just sort of shrugging, saying she didn’t know. I kept looking for the source of the smell, because it was a weird almost chemical smell. I kept talking about the weird smell. I finally poked my head near the bathroom door and was hit with it. I realized she’d taken a dump before anyone else arrived at work. She was sort of blushing and trying to ignore me.
I felt bad once I realized the source and just sort of tried to back off it. “Oh, I don’t smell it anymore.” I’m sure in her head she was like just shut up about my shit. We worked in silence for awhile after that.
opuscule_cat
6.
My previous desk was right outside a women’s restroom door. You could hear everything of course with the thin walls of a workplace. Every single time they’d come out and sheepishly ask if I could hear their bombing runs. And I’d straight faced just say nope, not a thing. But I heard everything.
thisoldguy74
7.
I once had a friend admit to me 16 years after the incident that it was he who farted in a taxi that made the driver literally throw up in his own lap.
dull-woodpecker3900
8.
I was taking a shit at work and it was especially bad. After I got done I looked for some spray but there was nothing to use, so I shrugged and left the bathroom. As I was leaving, one of the partners of the firm was coming down the hall, just whistling and overall having a positive vibe (his wife had just given birth and I guess he was on dopamine). I started to warn him, but then I thought to myself, “fuck that guy, he’s an asshole”. When he entered the bathroom the whistling immediately stopped and all I heard was this grown man shouting in disbelief, “Oh my God”. Decades later and I still get the giggles just reliving his exclamation of disgust and awe.
Eastern-peach-3428
9.
Reminds me of a story I heard where a guy ripped one while working in a post office and it was so bad they called in the bomb squad because they thought there might have been a chemical weapon in a package.
tucson_lautrec
10.
An older family friend was in a blockbuster renting movies (tells you how old the story is and still told today) and let an SBD in one of the sections he was absolutely alone in. He’s puttering around and noticed that no one was in the store. He saw people outside who waved him out. He asked, “what was going on?” The employee replied, “the fire department is on its way, we think there’s a gas leak in the store.”
capt_accident
11.
I am a retired mail carrier, and I worked with a couple of professional beer drinkers that smelled so bad while in the bathroom they were affectionately called The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Anyone of them could clear out the office, including the customer side.
bran6442
12.
I cleared a bar out once, circa 2009. My flight from Charlotte to Rio de Janiero was cancelled due to ice, so my company cancelled by connector too, and I got to stay home an extra day. Called my friend and we went to Surf Bar on Folly Beach. I was standing at the bar and felt a bubble gut attack, knew it was gonna be bad. The bar there was right next to the toilet. So I waited until a guy went in and knew he was my victim. As soon as he opened the door to come back out, I let it out. Three girls ran away, then the bartender left the bar. Then the other patrons in the small bar got up. It was one of the most foul, disgusting farts I’ve ever done to this day. I was internally proud, externally appalled at ‘whoever’ did it.If the dude that got blamed is reading this. Thanks for taking one for the team, even if you know no one believes you. I told my friend who I was with a few years later and he laughed his ass off.
captcraigaroo
13.
So I was on a health kick for a while and decided I should eat oatmeal in the morning. I also really like bananas. I would smash up a banana and mix it in my oats.
It would give me the worst farts.
I would sit in my cube and just rip ass. They weren’t ever audible, just silent and violent.
My manager was convinced there was something wrong with the hvac or something died in the ceiling. He would get out a step stool, lift the drop ceiling tiles and look around.
I stopped eating oatmeal in the morning as it obviously didn’t agree with me, and the smell magically went away. He assumed someone found a dead animal or something.
alanwakeisahack
14.
I’m a nurse and one time farted at the nurses station at shift change, the busiest time of day. It was a real eye waterer and gassed like 6 people. It prompted an investigation to figure out which patient had just shat themselves and I’ve never confessed after everybody was found to be clean.
garbagebanger
15.
This reminds me of the actor Misha Collins who ripped a fart so bad on an airplane and it made someone physically ill to the point that they had to make an emergency landing. I heard him tell the story at a con like 10 years ago and it might have been embellished, but he looked so embarrassed that I was inclined to believe him.
snowmiser26
16.
Once at a college party I farted in the basement where the music was blaring and it was dark with strobes ect. The music covered the noise but not the hot rotten egg smell. I was standing with a group and this dude goes “ahhh someone ripped serious ass and it fucking stinks!!!!”I was crying laughing inside but had to pretend I was just as appalled.
bigmacher1980
It’s not always the nether regions causing the stench. Future-Thanks-3902 had a colleague who chose to eat the world’s most foul-smelling fruit.
I had a co-worker pull out a piece of Durian for snack and someone called the gas company thinking there was a leak somewhere.
And we thought opening a can of tuna was anti-social.