‘What benign lies did your family tell you as a kid?’ – 22 incredibly wholesome little fibs

In amongst the joy of having children there is a lot of hard work and a fair amount of boredom, so who can blame parents for telling their kids little white comedy fibs to keep themselves entertained?

Over on the AskUK subreddit, user AmbitionParty5444 asked this question: ‘What benign lies did your family tell you as a kid?’ before adding their own example:

‘My grandad would always eat the first few chewy sweets I had first ‘to make sure they weren’t poisoned’. Four year old me truly believed he was a brave, brave hero.’

And it turns out plenty of people were spun harmless untruths by their families. Here are some of the best …

1.

‘My favorite actually came from a babysitter rather than family. She’d mentioned she was going to watch Terminator after we children were in bed.

‘We whined at her about how we wanted to watch it and were definitely grown up enough not to be scared. Well, she caved and put it on, or so I thought until years later that I learned that the robot in Terminator is not called Johnny 5.’
–Melodic_Arm_387

2.

‘My Grandpa told us to look in the grass at the park because there were coins scattered about. He said someone must have a hole in their pocket.

‘We collected them up and spent them on sweets on the way home. Years after he died, I realised there was no man with a hole in his pocket – my Grandpa was scattering them for us to find.’
–Fairtogood

3.

‘My grandparents referred to my gay great uncle as, ‘a bachelor with a hint of lavender about him’. I had no idea what that meant as kid.’
–durkheim98

4.

‘I hated getting out of the bath so my mother used to tell me I’d go down the plug hole when she pulled it. I believed this for years, and even once old enough to know better I needed to get out as soon as the plug got pulled because it just felt wrong.’
–-myeyeshaveseenyou-

5.

‘My grandad only had one thumb, and told us he’d sucked it as a child and it dissolved away.

‘(Actually amputation after splinter turned septic, before antibiotics).’
–Kirstemis

6.

‘Turning on the interior light when the car was moving was illegal.’
–GetSpammed

7.

‘I had operations to correct a double squint when I was very little and my parents used to tell me the doctors had taken my eyes out and put them back in upside down. Sounds kind of horrifying now I think about it, but it’s actually a very warm, funny family memory!’
–kdiddy2580

8.

‘I believed for years that my nanny could see through the phone (used to hold things to the receiver that my mum had already described to her and she was always right).

‘Not as benign but Mum used to say the rag and bone men were shouting ‘Children’s Home! CHILDREN’S HOME!’ as they drove past looking for naughty children. One time they went by with a kids metal climbing frame that they’d taken from someone’s garden and it put the absolute shitters up me and my sister.’
–crgoodw

9.

‘My dad always told us when we were driving that the ‘H’ road sign for hospital actually meant ‘Hush’ and we were meant to be quiet whilst we pass so we don’t disturb the ill patients.’
–Suspicious_Field_429

10.

‘My dad used to tell me that the hay bales wrapped in white covers in the farmers fields were giant marshmallows. I was about 10 before I realised marshmallows didn’t grow in the ground.’
–Limp_Dog_Bizkit

11.

‘Toblerone could only be eaten by adults. Dad travelled a lot and got in duty free for him and Mum to share.’
–Timely_Egg_6827