19 confused millennials reveal their plans for retirement

Retirement? What retirement?

If you’re a member of Team Millennial – especially if you’re down the lower end – there’s a pretty good chance you think of retirement more as a delightful fiction than a concrete fact of the future.

Nothing is certain; AI is making entire career options obsolete, and Elon Musk could buy your company and ctrl+alt+delete it into nonexistence.

Conscription. Climate disaster. Zombies. Who knows what’s to come? Let alone how to prepare!

To get a feel for where everyone else is at, Reddit user alphaDsony posted the following question in the r/AskReddit forum:

Millennials, what’s y’all plan for retirement?

Notebooks at the ready. Pencils drawn. Here are some of the top answers, including some that are NSFW.

1.

I’m hoping to get off work in time to attend my funeral.
–Creepy_Shelter_94

(Early leave denied): “we’re short staffed, I need you to work late” -Your manager, probably.
–stonksogo

2.

“I’ve got a plan. I’m going to turn my on/off switch to off.” – Bender
–Bsjensen1012

3.

Find a nice commune and go die in the woods like a house cat.
–LuvinMyThuderGut

4.

My mom has always said we’ll put her out on an ice floe.

We’re meeting with her lawyer soon to discuss contingency plans for when there’s no more sea ice.
–meanwhileinrice

There’s always the great pacific garbage patch.
–Sarcasticpurr

5.

The cliff scene in Midsommar.
–ZorchFlorp

Alternatively, the crying scene in Midsommar.
–DisgruntledAardvark

6.

Work til noon the day of my funeral.
–Bguy9410

Sorry lunch hour is really busy for us, we’re going to need you to work through that.
–takoyakimd

7.

I figure there are at least three big economic busts between now and then, so I’m planning to die in a nude beach blow job jet ski shootout.
–InvadeTheUSA

8.

Live longer than everyone else in the family, inherit their stuff, retire five minutes before I die.
–princessawesomepants

9.

Save a lot, die before retirement, will my retirement savings to my kids so they have a chance.
–HotLittlePotato

10.

Literally my retirement age will probably be 10 years after I die.

My body will be used to prop open a door by the government.
–Tashimo