‘What’s the silliest thing you’ve overheard in public?’ – 23 comments from people who probably shouldn’t be allowed out on their own

Going out in public, particularly on public transport, can be a harrowing experience at times. So when you are forced to be in the presence of other people, the very least they can do is say something ridiculous to keep you entertained.

They’ve been chatting about the fun that can be had in eavesdropping on strangers on the AskUK subreddit after user FamSender posed this question:

‘What’s the silliest thing you’ve overheard in the pub/on the bus?

‘Couple of younger guys on the bus the other day chatting. One of them says something like ‘My uncle was one of the founding members of the EDL, he’s like the black sheep of the family’. His mate immediately comes back with ‘Don’t you mean the white sheep?’.

‘Found that pretty funny in a silly kind of way but held my laughter because I didn’t want to seem like I was earwigging.

And lots of people who had enjoyed snooping on conversations chimed in with examples of their own, like these…

1.

‘First thing I do when I meet someone is look at their watch. If they have a cheap watch, I know they’re not worth knowing.’

‘I guess he was on a bus rather than driving a car because he spent all his money on a watch.’
–NinaWilde

2.

‘Two teenage girls on the bus.

‘Girl 1: If you buy something online but you don’t get an email confirmation, does that mean you’ve been scammed?

‘Girl 2: Depends, where did you order from?

‘Girl 1: I don’t know.’
–celabro019

3.

‘Reminds me of a bus journey to the Trafford Centre, with a woman (quite anxiously) asking the driver ‘Where are you going?’ as if he was clueless of the route.’
–TheDarkestStjarna

4.

‘On a bus, two blokes talking about what was on TV that evening. One bloke said there was a film on called Snakes on a Plane. The other bloke said ‘What’s that about?’.’
–Medium_Scare

5.

‘Two lads, cussing each other out for comedy chops on the train.

‘LAD 1: [takes it a bit too far and says something pretty disgusting, can’t remember what]

‘LAD 2: (genuinely a bit scandalised) Shush, man, this is a public train.

‘LAD 1: Your mum’s a public train… [pause for effect]… everyone’s riding that shit!’
–behemuffin

6.

‘I was on my way back from the Nissan factory in Sunderland. Someone got on the bus and proceeded to talk about their entire day over the phone. No amount of detail was too small; what they had for breakfast, how their journey was to work, what happened during the day, any drama the preceding weekend, etc. It was like a biography.

‘Anyway, when they got to their stop, they looked out the window and said, ‘Oh, I see you there. I’m just getting off now’. Then they ran off the bus to meet the person they’d been monologuing to for the last thirty minutes.’
–Ok_Clock4040

7.

‘On the top deck of a bus on the way to central Liverpool there were a few lads in full North Face gear and balaclavas rolling a joint. They finished up, and I hear the following exchange:

‘The lads: ‘Open that window there squire.’

‘Some fella sat two rows in front: opens window

‘The lads: ‘Good. Man.’ Sparks joint

‘The sincerity, juxtaposition of sconehead teenagers whimsically using the word squire, and firm delivery of the Good. Man. has stayed with me years later.’
–WhyIsTheMoonThere

8.

‘Half unrelated, I left Lidl Friday evening, peeling and eating an orange. A teenage girl said ‘What the fuck, people are just eating oranges now?’. All I’ve been able to think about since.’
–First-Designer-7925

9.

‘Years ago I was leaving the supermarket and these little chavs were hanging around the exit smoking. One of them said to me ‘Got lettuce mate’ and the rest burst out laughing. I did have lettuce in the top of my bag but I didn’t realise it was that funny.

‘Normally when someone says something to me like that I’ll think of a great response about two days later. This was probably about 20 years ago and I still have no idea how I should have responded.

‘I also wonder if he realises how much joy he has given my wife over the years with her repeating it to me in her best chav voice every time I’m having lettuce.’
–Otherwise-View640

10.

‘On the bus I overheard a few of young lads pondering what they’d do if they found a suitcase with £50k cash inside. One genius said they would sell it.’
–squigbomb

11.

‘Heard some bloke telling his mate he was going to stop smoking a bit before midnight for his birthday because he heard your lungs don’t heal as well after 30.’
–CountTruffula

12.

‘On a train, I was getting off, and passed a woman sat down on her phone. ‘You don’t go to a funeral for the atmosphere, you go for the food’ was all I heard before leaving the carriage.’
–mrmidas2k