Farage Pledges To Bring Back Eunuch System

Election News: UKIP sought to fuse education with apprenticeships today, creating a new battlefield for its election strategy as it pledged to bring back eunuchs.

“There are children in our society today that, let’s face it, have little in the way of prospects,” leader Nigel Farage told supporters in Kent this morning. “I’m not naming any names, but they will continue to be a burden on our country for the rest of their miserable lives.”

“The eunuch system, which has been around since the 21st century BC if not longer, has a proud tradition of creating a trusted and dedicated workforce in such key areas as harem maintenance, treble singing and domestic service. If, as UKIP is proposing, it was adapted here, it would provide a huge and welcome boost to the economy.”

“The squeamish, and the liberal establishment in London, may baulk at the idea but as any decent horse racing fan will tell you, the gelding doesn’t hurt the animal one bit – and only improves performance.”

While some members of his party expressed concerns about how this new policy would go down with the electorate, Farage remained resolute.

“Our country is facing a stark choice. Either keep sinking into the mud or be great again, like Sumeria or Byzantium, carried high on the shoulders of young boys with their knackers clipped off.”

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