Israel offers Japan ‘new country’ in Palestine

World News: “Just as the international community gave us a country after a horrific episode in our own history,” Israel’s Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu told a stunned news conference in Tel Aviv yesterday, “so we would like to return the favour and do the same for Japan.”

With radiation leaks, drinking water becoming increasingly scarce, a failing electricity supply and much of the country still in ruins, Japan, he said was becoming “increasingly uninhabitable.”

“So we invite them to come over here and live beside us. We think they would make great neighbours. We both love electronics. We both love game shows based on slapstick. Plus, it would drive down the price of sushi across the Middle East and that can only be of benefit to everyone.”

As Netanyahu went on to detail the logistics of what he termed “an unprecedented gesture of international generosity” he dismissed concerns that the arrival of 130 million Japanese in Palestine might prove ‘unpopular’, not least with the Palestinians themselves.

“Nonsense,” he said, “how can the Palestinians object? It’s not their country. It’s Japan. I just told you that.”

But why, asked one reporter, would Japanese people want to come to Gaza and the West Bank?

“The weather is nice,” replied Netanyahu, “and the beaches are great.”

And where, the reporter continued, would the Palestinian people be expected to go?

“They will go to Japan. The weather is nice,” he said, “and the beaches are great.”