Office Christmas party to be held on a weeknight again

An office Christmas party will be held on a Wednesday or Thursday night yet again, because obviously loads of fucking work is going to get done the next day.

“Of course it’s cheaper to book a venue for a Christmas party on a weeknight, but that’s not why I’ve done it,” said one shit boss.

“Instead of the staff enjoying themselves with the knowledge that they don’t have to come into work the next day, I prefer to make them go through the charade of doing a full working day while hungover – and seeing them sweat neat alcohol and regret while they contemplate vomiting into a bin every 15 minutes.”

“It’s our way of saying ‘thank you’ for working so hard all year long,” he continued. “That and a free bowl of crisps. People appreciate that more than any pay rise.”

The prospect of weeknight drinking hasn’t put off one keen party-goer.

“I’m going to suggest we drink a cheeky warm beer or glass of wine at our desks around quarter past five, just to get the party started!”