The joy of the these terrible movie pitches is trying to imagine them in your head…

A new Twitter account called @Shit_Pitches is burning up the internet, collecting nearly 10,000 followers in a few days, with surreal and wonderfully rubbish movie pitches:

We’ve read the lot and here’s the best 17:

• Jennifer Lawrence is a sassy ballerina who uncovers a secret government program that is breeding homophobic spiders

• Nicholas Cage is a medieval knight who gets sent forward in time and finds himself battling internet trolls in modern day New York

• Dustin Hoffman is a maths teacher who risks everything to prove that numbers are racist

• Leonardo DiCaprio finds himself stranded on an island comprised entirely of discotheques with impossible dress codes

• Tom Cruise is a classical pianist who is involved in a skiing accident that renders him incapable of seeing or hearing women

• Tom Hanks defends a dog’s right to condone 9/11

• Will Smith is pushed to the very limits of sanity when he receives the gift of a barbecue that refuses to cook meat of any kind

• Benedict Cumberbatch is a schizophrenic chef who invents a board game that can only ever be played once

• Cate Blanchett develops a revolutionary new type of salad dressing that allows her to hear sex acts

• Adam Sandler sells his dying mother a vintage encyclopaedia which contains nothing but vowels

• John Travolta is a retired theatre critic who teaches a lonely tidal wave how to love again

• Robert Downey Jr is forced into a terrifying battle of wits with a contentious blog comment

• Steve Buscemi inherits a peach tree that violently challenges preconceived racial stereotypes

• Liam Neeson is a former CIA operative who refuses to fully acknowledge the existence of vegetarianism

• Sylvester Stallone is a retired construction worker who defends a theme park from terrorists who have weaponised feminism

• Angelina Jolie’s son is taken hostage by a clandestine group of graffiti artists who steadfastly refuse to conform to gender stereotypes

• Ben Stiller freezes time in order to steal library books for a woman he believes he drew when he was child

• Mel Gibson voices an animated chopping board who has to learn to overcome his phobia of knives in order to become a real boy