Alcohol really is the solution to everything, claim vomit covered scientists with broken livers

In a recently published paper the team claim that anyone over 18 who feels concerned and overwhelmed by current globals events should consider switching to a High Booze Diet (HBD) to prevent stress or generally giving a shit about anything.

Researchers testing the HBD reported that after a bottle of brandy for breakfast they felt less anxious about modern politics and the potential collapse of society, mainly because they were unconscious on the floor until late afternoon – by which time they moved onto a box of wine.

“Our studies clearly show that this is a brilliant diet,” said a spokesman for the research team leaning against the bar that they had built in the lab.

“Unless you’ve got a problem with that, then we’ll fuckin’ take it outside you prick.”