EXCLUSIVE! The Sun on Sunday’s first frontpage

NOTW Scandal: Disgruntled ex-journalists from the News of the World with access to the News International mainframe leaked the front page of the new The Sun on Sunday title to The Poke this morning – and it is just as shocking as the closure of the paper itself.

The free gift is a Nicholas Lyndhurst DVD! Not ‘The Best of The Two Ronnies’ as most commentators were expecting or, the ever-popular ‘Music From Car Adverts’, but a 90-minute montage of all your favourite Nicholas Lyndhurst moments from ‘Only Fools And Horses’ to ‘Goodnight Sweetheart’, including his unforgettable appearance on ‘Michael Barrymore’ in 1983.

Rather than avoiding the scandal, they meet the issue square-on with Mystic Meg’s heartfelt apology to the nation: ‘I didn’t see any of this coming’ – which brings the whole unfortunate situation to a satisfying and proper conclusion. There will also be tits.