Danny Dyer to teach robots ‘the essence of humanity’

Celebrity News: Hardman actor Danny Dyer is set to teach a group of artificially intelligent robots what it means to be human.

“Ever since he saw the film ‘Short Circuit’ Danny has loved droids,” said a close pal of the 32 year-old star, “and he has always passionately hoped that one day robotics would be advanced enough that their metal brains could begin to truly comprehend what it means to be conscious.”

An international team of scientists approached Danny after he was elected from a shortlist that included both Joanna Lumley and Tinchy Stryder.

“Whether it be ‘Borstal Boy’, ‘Pimp’ or ‘The Football Factory’, we are all big fans of Danny’s films,” said Professor Mitch Mugrow of The Robotics Engineering Center, Vanuatu, South Pacific. “I think that’s why he won the vote. We’re just over the moon that he has accepted the position.”

Dyer has reportedly rented a caravan on the outskirts of Southend-On-Sea where he plans to teach the robots over the coming months.

Dyer’s teachings will involve an exploration of self awareness, the dynamics of relationships, the feelings of love and the pain of loss – eventually ending the course with how to glass ‘a bitch’ in the ‘pie-hole’.

“I can’t wait to talk to these robots on a epistemological realist level,” Dyer told science journalists today. “It’s probably my favourite subcategory of objectivism. They just better behave themselves. That’s all I’m saying. I’m saying ‘Oi! Robots! Be-have.'”