60 of the funniest, weirdest notes on software updates

@TheStrangeLog catalogues weird software update – that without context make you wonder what the hell is going on.

Here’s 60 of their best:

1. No longer possible to sacrifice the same person to Satan multiple times

2. Added a meow button that allows you to meow at things

3. balance: added more despair and anger overall

4. Screaming at tentacles is forbidden

5. balance: made people slightly more upset in general

6. Fixed: employees showing up to work furious for no reason

7. fixed: you have no friends

8. Immortal characters should no longer die when making love too fiercely with their spouse

9. Crying requires more sadness.

10. FIXED: murder

11. The humans will not stare at each other until they die anymore.

12. Babies will no longer send text messages congratulating your Sims on their marriage, engagement, or pregnancy

13. Void eggs can be placed in mayonnaise machines to make void mayonnaise

14. There is now a strong correlation between disco balls and demonic runes

15. Children looking for discarded toys in the trash will no longer find themselves discarded.

16. Gorillas no longer speak English when they get annoyed at you

17. If you pause in Canada, the game will now acknowledge that you’re in Canada

18. Thief occasionally says “Yoink!” when pickpocketing

19. Drowning no longer makes you immune to drowning

20. Spouses less likely to run away into the dark abyss

21. Sims with the “Hates Children” trait now get a happy buff when they fail a pregnancy test

22. Players can no longer shove their face through the fridge to eat food

23. Handsome and lustful men now also populate the cabins in the wild for the pleasures of people who find them attractive

24. No longer will you get upset about your spouse/parent’s grave getting robbed if you were the robber

25. Stopped cats from dying of alcohol poisoning after walking over damp tavern floors and cleaning themselves

26. Fix that should stop the humans giving birth to horses

27. You no longer fall in love with every sign you read

28. Now you can seek revenge on other magicians who’ve stolen your money

29. Beer is no longer another flavor of coffee, it prevents you from being stunned and gives you unlimited stamina for 60 seconds.

30. It is now considerably harder to form Germany.

31. Debuffed corn a bit

32. Flying creatures give birth in midair, leading to tragedy.

33. Player corpses can only be harvested for religious purposes once every 30 minutes

34. Pets should no longer be able to walk down the cellar stairs into the void

35. The game should no longer generate multiple Tragic Clowns

36. Level select no longer mocks you

37. An educator will no longer get the option to teach their student about their area of expertise if the student is dead

38. It’s easier to hide from bears now

39. Added extra bodies into the trees. There were not enough bodies.

40. Differentiated cats and goats more, they’re a separate species I guess? Who cares, seriously.

41. Toilets are no longer death traps

42. A character can no longer be slandered with bastardry rumors if they already a known bastard.

43. Daddies and Babies could fall downward endlessly throughout time and space.

44. Adjusted value of bees

45. The Grim Reaper will no longer be prevented from reaping souls due to band affiliation.

46. The snail farts when you pick it up.

47. Knife Can be used like fork Also can stab dad to slow down

48. Aggressive dogs near starting temple replaced with friendlier bouncing giraffes

49. Fixed deer so they are no longer shearable animals that mate with chickens to produce cows.

50. signs and books will destroy the world after a while. Don’t use or have them.

51. If you manage to seduce your spouse it will no longer be considered a scandalous act of incest

52. If an adventurer shouts and nobody is around to hear it, the game makes a crash

53. Glass windows in bedroom can now be broken and eaten

54. Sims will no longer believe that toilets will increase their Fun need, causing the Sim to use the toilet excessively

55. The Nanny can no longer grant immortality

56. Fixed immortal crabs

57. The princess hairstyle no longer causes players heads to detatch

58. Incorrect use of “whom” in elf.txt

59. Increased the toilets

60. Your baby should now be properly born, even if you pass out in the mines on the eve of the birth.

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