Gaddafi’s downfall pushes Global Goodness up 3%

Libya News: While overall global goodness remains low, and evil markets – buoyed by low economic performance as well as no one really knowing what those Chinese are up to – continue to rise, Colonel Gaddafi’s downfall at the hands of Libyan rebels has caused a 3% increase in Goodness around the world.

While the forces of good rolled through Tripoli, triumphantly killing remaining pockets of bad, Libyan national goodness has risen by a massive 68%. However, when other global factors are taken into account, such as the Somali famine and Assad’s refusal to shave off his stupid moustache, that means a smaller but still significant 3% rise in World Goodness overall.

“This summer we have seen one of the most volatile goodness levels in recent memory,” says feelings analyst Toby Sugar, of moral investment group WelcomeDex.

“Take England for example. During the recent riots, British national goodness was down 14.7%. Yet within a couple of days, as rioters were punished and the country was born along on a wave of gleeful vengeance, it was up 24.1%.”

“Libyan euphoria at the fall of the Gaddafi regime, while responsible for this 3% rise now, could easily become the cause of a similar rise in evil markets if the the country slips into chaos.”

 “To maintain steady growth in goodness, Libyans need to keep waving their flags and guns in front of the television cameras and provide a sustained horizon of positive events – like hanging Gaddafi, for example, along with some of his sons, then posting footage on YouTube of their eyeballs bulging out as they shit themselves.”