People are sharing their most embarrassing toilet stories and you’ll be left totally flushed

When someone on Twitter asked for some funny toilet stories to cheer her up, Twitter did not disappoint. This is the tweet that started it all.

I’ve had a bit of a rotten day, so please, tell me the most embarrassing thing to happen to you involving doing a toilet.

— Mitten d'Amour (@MittenDAmour) June 10, 2018

These 21 replies, filled with crushing embarrassment and public humiliation, should make you feel a whole lot better about how your day is going. Or not.

1.

Arrived early morning to Blackpool BnB and did smelliest poo ever in room loo. Then hotelier knocked. He gagged on stench and said it wasn’t our room. Moved to fragrant room leaving behind the smell

— Mathsy McMathsface (@AshleyRussell74) June 10, 2018

2.

While using a portaloo on post at Brands Hatch, there was no loo roll. I used a tissue from my pocket. I forgot I had used that tissue to wrap a used chewing gum&suddenly i had a refreshing minty feeling where I’d never had one before. Don’t ask about removing gum from hair……

— CabinetOfCuriosities (@xmorphscabinet) June 10, 2018

3.

Once slept on a mate’s sofa. Was woken up during the night by said mate stood at an armchair, pissing onto it before sloping back off to bed. In the morning I was just about to tell him what he’d done when he says to me “why were you sleeping in the bath?”

— Matt Taylor (@johnny_columbia) June 10, 2018

4.

Needed to get rid of remains of some stew while washing up so I lob it down the loo. Hear a knock at the door – meter reader, who asks if he can use the loo. I say sure.
He emerges horrified – I realise I didn’t flush stew bits. He must have thought I’d shat out a whole onion.

— Gaz Haman (@gazhaman) June 10, 2018

5.

Years ago I was in a new place of work and had a hangover. I was sitting in the cubicle, put my head in my hands, and when I looked up again I couldn’t see. Blackness. I had gone blind. So I panicked and started calling for help, reactivating the motion sensitive light-switch.

— Chris (@coxness) June 10, 2018

6.

https://twitter.com/moi_cheree/status/1006076943777845248

7.

France. Massive queue for bogs. Like most people’s guts mine know when there’s a loo nearby. My turn came. Incapable of thought now. Into cubicle, closed door, turned, dropped pants sat and started in one single action. No lock. Foot on door to keep closed. Opened outwards. Shame

— Nick (@shedbacon) June 11, 2018

8.

Go on then. I was 10 yo. Dead proud of my Sheff Wed sweat bands. At footie training one evening I suddenly needed a poo. I ran, got to a toilet, sat down and let a torrent of rusty water out my bum. Then realised no loo roll. only option was to wipe my bum on my sweat bands.

— Matt Kay (@mw_kay) June 10, 2018

9.

Had to do a big ol poo during my first ever Dead Ringers script readthrough, which meant that when Jan Ravens WHO I’VE LOVED FOR YEARS gave me a friendly hello and handshake IN THE TOILET AFTER THE EVENT my hands were still wet from post shit washing. That’s how I met Jan Ravens.

— Scriblit (@Scriblit) June 11, 2018

10.

Hosted an event at York races. Driving so no alcohol, but i strongly suspect a dodgy vol-au-vent. Had to make an emergency stop on the way home. Didn’t quite make it in time. Had a tiny Swiss Army knife on my key ring. Used the scissors bit to cut out the bad pants area. Cried.

— Mike Curry (@PerpetualDismay) June 10, 2018