Just 56 hot takes on the weather right now

The weather in the British Isles is so hot that low-lying clouds of sweat have formed, ironically keeping chihuahuas cooler than all other dogs. The Department for Health and Social care has recommended people try to eat five Magnums a day and David Dickinson was seen without a blazer. Yes, the heatwave has entered the 97th consecutive week and we’re all 67 per cent melted.

These 56 jokes won’t cool you down, but they might take your mind off the heat. Read them and see.

1.

|￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣|
| MY BALLS ARE |
| STUCK |
| TO MY LEG |
|＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿|
(__/) ||
(•ㅅ•) ||
/ 　 づ#Heatwaveuk

— Phlegm Clandango (@Cain_Unable) July 23, 2018

2.

UK 2018 weather. A tale of 2 halves:

Part 1
💧😕🌧😒❄️😁☃️🙄☃️😰☃️😱

Part 2
🌦🙂🌤😎☀️🙄☀️😥🔥😳🔥😡#Heatwaveuk

— Lou 🛥 (@louyacht) July 23, 2018

3.

https://twitter.com/SavvaF/status/1021379236769292288

4.

https://twitter.com/PostpackLtd/status/1021386005436403715

5.

We English will face our inevitably fiery deaths like we always do.
Proud. Fearless. And in a pub garden. #Heatwaveuk pic.twitter.com/wFmHdhcA7M

— Christopher Byford / THE DEATH IN ALL THINGS / (@Morningstaruk) July 23, 2018

6.

You know your British when your government have to release a statement that it’s hot outside in the middle of summer 🤦🏼‍♀️ #wether #Heatwaveuk

— Talia (@taliadean) July 23, 2018

7.

They all laughed when I got A/C installed living in London

Now every other sweaty Brit is moaning about our 6th week of freakishly hot weather

Whilst I’m sat here all nonchalant & doing air conditioned poops everyday 💩⛄️#Heatwaveuk

— Doug Armstrong (@DougArmstrong) July 23, 2018

8.

https://twitter.com/StatsBritain/status/1021400432122482688

9.

when someone on the other side of the office has bought ice lollies and there's one left 👀#Heatwaveuk pic.twitter.com/HODmTQreMH

— BBC Radio 1 (@BBCR1) July 23, 2018

10.

https://twitter.com/ChrisBusby9/status/1021380259722203136

11.

Using the train today. #Heatwaveuk pic.twitter.com/BG3Ynx4wtb

— Ben Gazur (@BenTheEpicure) July 23, 2018

12.

It's hot, so I've let all our books take their jackets off.
This is a novel tweet isn't it?
Hello.

— Big Green Bookshop (@Biggreenbooks) July 23, 2018

13.

https://twitter.com/MrMichaelSpicer/status/1021316999027175424

14.

I'm fucking hot
I'm fucking hot
I'm fucking
Christ I'm fucking hot.

— Kath 💙🙀🇪🇺✊🏾 (@KathyBurke) July 7, 2018

15.

Sunstroke, all dead. pic.twitter.com/avdsEOdDg8

— David Stokes (@scottywrotem) July 8, 2018

16.

Get your “I’m too fucking hot & sweaty to sleep tonight” name by adding I’m too fucking hot & sweaty to sleep tonight to your name.
Mine’s,
Joe I’m too fucking hot & sweaty to sleep tonight Heenan

— joe heenan (@joeheenan) July 8, 2018

17.

The British heatwave continues. No one has slept in weeks because sleep is now a sticky nightmare. Somewhere in the country someone tries to drink a cup of tea as it bursts into flames. Morris dancers desperately try to emulate a rain dance and fail. We are doomed.

— TechnicallyRon (On all the platforms) (@TechnicallyRon) July 16, 2018

18.

https://twitter.com/_dcalg/status/1016036418647412736

19.

Despite the heatwave & the fact that I am made out of ham & should not be left out unrefrigerated, I'm having a hot tea. I will not be intimidated into having an "ice-tea" like a psychopath.

— Aisling Bea (@WeeMissBea) July 8, 2018

20.

https://twitter.com/ArtimusFoul/status/1016357221247184896

21.

https://twitter.com/HooiWanV/status/1016073630449569793

22.

I need to get my life together, this weather made me realize I can’t go to hell.

— issajokebro (@Alitauqeeraslam) July 9, 2018

23.

https://twitter.com/watsoncomedian/status/1016383230868639744

24.

If it's hot where you are, please stay inside and drink plenty of
fluids. Unless you deny climate change! In which case, thirst is also just fake science, so you should just drink sawdust!

— bettemidler (@BetteMidler) July 9, 2018

25.

You (a British person): IT'S A HEATWAVE!

Me (an Australian): You guys are cute. pic.twitter.com/inLHiZ53GE

— Bec Hill (@bechillcomedian) July 9, 2018

26.

Referendum to have law placed in constitution that if the weather is hotter than 25 degrees, work is cancelled.

— Sue Kirk (@SueKirk) June 27, 2018

27.

It’s 2038. It’s been summer for 20 years. Deodorant is now £15. We slide to work on sweat. Calippo is our queen

— Rach (@RachaelvsWorld) July 5, 2018

28.

You’re welcome #heatwave pic.twitter.com/J4AqyVh2o5

— joe heenan (@joeheenan) July 2, 2018