Simply 40 funny jokes from 40 fabulous acts at this year’s Edinburgh fringe
The Edinburgh Fringe Festival kicks off today and runs until the 27th August. Showcasing a wealth of comedic, musical and dramatic talent, it’s a highlight of the year for performers and punters alike. To celebrate, we’ve collected 40 of this year’s Fringe line-up and hand-picked a joke from each of them for you to enjoy.
In no particular order:
1.
Owls can turn their heads up to 360 degrees, that’s hotter than my oven!
— Jake Lambert (@jakelambertcom) July 28, 2018
2.
Lightning all the way home. Either that or I’m getting a LOT of speeding tickets tomorrow
— Angela Barnes (@AngelaBarnes) May 26, 2018
3.
Can’t even make a joke about the heat without one of my religious mates going
“Bro this is merely a fraction of what it will be like in the hell fire, wallahi my brother we must be grateful”
Calm down Rashid I just want a solero
— Kae Kurd (@KaeKurd) July 26, 2018
4.
Nipped to the loo whilst my Amazon package was less than 6 stops away. I’ve never felt so alive with danger.
— Bethany Black (@BeffernieBlack) July 27, 2018
5.
https://twitter.com/amateuradam/status/1023644809788108800
6.
https://twitter.com/sindhuvfunny/status/1019478301235130369
7.
My Grandma taught me to tie my shoelaces by getting the two bunny ears and screaming “TIE YOUR LACES NOW OR I’LL DROWN THIS THING IN THE BASTARD CANAL”.
— Josh Pugh (@JoshPughComic) July 13, 2018
8.
Can someone please nominate for me queer eye I really don’t want to tidy my bedroom and I don’t think I’m wearing the right bra size
— Lulu Popplewell (@lulu_popplewell) June 30, 2018
9.
Fuck it, let’s just make Boris Prime Minister, Rees-Mogg as Chancellor and that nodding dog from the Churchill ads as foreign secretary & accept our status as a complete joke nation.
— Nish Kumar (@MrNishKumar) July 9, 2018
10.
If you sing the lyrics “Don’t you want me baby…” in a broad Lancashire accent it suddenly becomes about a very casual human trafficker on a standard workday.
— Laura Lexx – Autumn Tour On Sale! (@lauralexx) May 29, 2018
11.
https://twitter.com/DaftLimmy/status/1023251836168531969
12.
https://twitter.com/josierones/status/1018230524731691009
13.
Tip for singles: the pet food aisle at your local supermarket is a good place to pick up pet food for your pet, you sad, lonely bastard.
— Ignacio Lopez (@comedylopez) June 30, 2018
14.
https://twitter.com/JenBrister/status/1013707394726100993
15.
https://twitter.com/adamhess1/status/1023219997420789761
16.
I'm filling out a statement of health form that is enquiring about my level of weekly exercise. Does vigorously brushing teeth count?
— Zoe Lyons (@zoelyons) September 20, 2017
17.
If I had £1 for every time my girlfriend has complained about a lack of equal pay she'd have 70p.
— Simon Caine (@thismademecool) July 28, 2018
18.
Frasier was a ground-breaking millennial aspirational show about one day having your own podcast and moving back in with your Dad.
— ⚡️POLE YOURSELF TOGETHER! @ SOHO THEATRE 21+22/06 (@siandocksey) February 7, 2018
19.
Mad how much security levels have gone up world wide since 9/11 and still to this day Home & Bargain are happy with just a window sticker of a security guard.
— Adam Rowe (@adamrowecomedy) July 25, 2018
20.
Bedtime as a child: feel tired, go to bed.
Bedtime as an adult: start to fall asleep on sofa, stand up, remember you have to get laundry out of machine, go into kitchen, get distracted by washing up, notice a plant that needs watering, hang washing up, go to bed
— Kate (@hamer30) June 19, 2018