Exclusive extract from Theresa May’s lost diary

Diary News: The Poke has obtained exclusive extracts of Home Secretary Theresa May’s diary, recently lost when she attended the National Police Memorial Day in Glasgow.

The pages, leaked to The Poke anonymously by the police, show that the Home Secretary has strained relationships with colleagues, a packed social schedule and a slight obsession for drawing talking penises.

The pages are believed to have come from a Lucy Locket Princess Diary – and despite the sizeable novelty padlock on the side, this was clearly no protection for the secrets contained within.

“While the padlock on the Princess diary offers some security against the prying eyes of mothers or older sisters, it is not a deterrent we advise when it comes to state secrets,” said a spokesman for the Metropolitan Police.

“Typically in security matters like this we also suggest the diary is kept in a shoebox at the back of a wardrobe, with a crude felt-tip pen drawing warning people to ‘keep out’ or face being sent to Coventry.”

Story+Image:  Simon Swatman