“I’ll never forgive Michael Flatley for what he did to me”

LORD OF THE TRANCE: Riverdance creator Michael Flatley has been arrested for his involvement in a ‘Morse Code’ brain washing scam that has traumatised thousands of fans.

Michael Flatley was arrested at his Irish bolthole this morning amid growing evidence that he regularly uses subliminal Morse Code messages in his dance routines.

The 53 year old tapdancing billionaire is accused of brainwashing his unwitting audience by hammering out subliminal instructions with his feet, making them buy merchandise, tickets for future shows, and possibly even worse.

One, woman who can’t be named for legal reasons, is 72 year-old Alice O’Malley from 22 Gibbons Crescent, County Cork. “I remember the lights dimming, the music starting…the next thing I remember is waking up in my flat surrounded by 9000 CDs. I don’t even own a CD machine.”

“I went to a show in January,” sobs 29 year-old Fiona Wales, from Tooting, South London. “Everything was fine.”

“Then, last week, I was sat in my garden at home when the Riverdance theme came on the radio. I must have blacked out for a while, but when I came round I’d murdered my lying, cheating, bastard of a husband. It’s all Flatley’s fault. He’s ruined my life.”

Police are quick to point out that the subliminal messages will only affect those with a working knowledge of Morse Code. “However, it’s best not to go a Riverdance show anyway,” advises PC Mervyn Blatt. “Subliminal messages or not, men in tights running on the spot seems a bit ‘funny’ to me.”

Have you been brainwashed by Michael Flatley? If so please call the Rivervictims Support Group on 0483 1000 1000 now, or email [email protected]

Story: Warren Lewis