Somalis fake oil strike

Middle East Latest: “Wait, wait, it’s coming, it’s coming!” promised a Somali businessman to a collection of foreign journalists and NATO officials who had been persuaded to cross the border from Kenya this morning ‘in order to witness something of extraordinary international importance’.

The spokesman, who gave his name only as Abdel, was pointing to a piece of parched earth.

“There is oil in Somalia,” he insisted, “we always knew it but we found it only yesterday. Now will you come and help us too?”

Then came a sudden jet of black liquid spurting out of the ground, quickly forming a sizeable puddle.

“See? Oil! Now you can go. And please come back with jet fighters and kill all the gangsters and militias and pirates so we can live in peace.”

The observers however were not so easily fobbed off, and two journalists broke through the cordon to examine the liquid. They tasted it: it was coffee. Then with his binoculars, another reporter spied a supply truck a mile away with a large hose pipe heading underground. On the side of the truck was written ‘Abdel’s Extra Strength Coffee’.

“No, no, no,” said the desperate man, “it’s not coffee, it’s oil – it just tastes a bit weird because it has been left undiscovered for so long.” But the international community was already getting back in its jeep.

“Wait! Come back! We have oil! OK, OK – what about chickpeas? Chickpea biofuel – it’s the future!”

Story: Jasper Gibson