Our 100 favourite funny tweets of 2020
2020 may have been a terrible year, but that hasn’t stopped the funny lot on Twitter coming up with the goods week after week.
We trawled through their finest moments and collected 100 we thought you’d hate to miss.
1.
we don’t talk about the fact that c3po essentially wears a crop top nearly enough as we should pic.twitter.com/pwbNdyZ3iZ
— Emma Bolden (@emmabo) January 1, 2020
2.
Tables have turned now haven't they, Lee, who said my nose was too big at school and now wants me to crowdfund his shed on Facebook
— Rachael (@RachaelvsWorld) January 1, 2020
3.
In all my years on this planet, if I've learnt anything at all, if I can pass anything useful to the rest of humanity, it's this:
Don't buy a touch lamp if you have a cat.
— Holly Brockwell (@holly) January 6, 2020
4.
It's really weird that we always pronounce it as though they're preachers from Manic Street, and not as though they're street preachers who are manic
— Steven Chicken (@StevenChicken) January 9, 2020
5.
watching The Masked Singer with my dad and he goes “I think it’s Madonna” yeah Ray it’s definitely the world’s best selling female artist of all time with a net worth of $600 million singing on ITV at 7pm on a Saturday night dressed as a hench yellow duck
— joe (@jxeker) January 4, 2020
6.
Who’s the producer, fucking Hitler? https://t.co/cf1whTbOc9
— Sir Bob (@SirBobLichfield) January 12, 2020
7.
REPORTER: So you have multiple inventions that defy the laws of physics. Potentially changing the entire world, as well as our understanding of it. What will you do with them?
WILLY WONKA: *Lips on mic* Keep them secret and use them to make candy.
— MehGyver (@TheAndrewNadeau) January 15, 2020
8.
villain: ok we've injected you with truth serum
Tony the Tiger: they're fine
— Pru (@prufrockluvsong) January 21, 2020
9.
WIFE: you’ll be ok?
ME: please don’t worry
WIFE: ok I'll be back in 2 days
ME: have fun![few minutes later]
WIFE: I forgot my ke—OHMYGOD[I’m topless and holding a conch. the coffee table is ablaze. the kids feast on the dog's remains]
— Marty Lawrence (@TeaAndCopy) January 20, 2020
10.
What's the warmest thickness of tights?
Climate change denier.
— Nathaniel Tapley (@Natt) January 21, 2020
11.
WORST. REMAKE. EVER pic.twitter.com/BqkVYyiC1y
— Sanjeev Kohli (@govindajeggy) January 27, 2020
12.
Wow I love Enya pic.twitter.com/xnCZKxW9Qt
— Mollie Goodfellow (@hansmollman) January 23, 2020
13.
A sourdough starter is a tamagotchi for people in their 30s
— Louise O'Connor (@oconnola) January 29, 2020
14.
You're a fucking liar Carol. pic.twitter.com/skkiveM2JH
— Jon (@giftedrascal) January 31, 2020
15.
It's happened. Daytime television has run out of things to talk about. pic.twitter.com/zGtefv4Tbq
— Alistair Coleman (@alistaircoleman) February 4, 2020
16.
Piers Morgan when he hears about a new vegan product the country needs to know his thoughts on. pic.twitter.com/b4Xm3JwAtp
— Ignacio Lopez (@comedylopez) February 5, 2020
17.
I prefer the term busy professional, thank you. pic.twitter.com/mGTVBIhKlk
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) February 12, 2020
18.
My 3 year old, who doesn’t notice her pants are inside out or that her shoes are on the wrong feet, can spot a diced onion in her food from 3 feet away
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) February 5, 2020
19.
Im not a fan of these vegan Burritos 👎 pic.twitter.com/PdgY16YdR5
— Clare.O (@ArrivedInGenX) February 12, 2020
20.
No horror film scares me like when I’m on my phone next to my sleeping wife and accidentally click onto a loud video.
— Romesh Ranganathan (@RomeshRanga) February 19, 2020
21.
Sometimes I think I’ve got my shit together and then I remember we still only have a cheese grater I won in a cracker pic.twitter.com/bmiOxZLZU5
— Alexandra Haddow (@MissAHaddow) February 20, 2020
22.
It seems my mother-in-law’s oven comes with VAR. Now every time she cooks a chicken I’m going to check for a fowl. pic.twitter.com/sPwb9XUxOp
— Ivor Baddiel (@Ivorbaddiel) February 17, 2020
23.
NUN SHITE. pic.twitter.com/xgaX8u346I
— Santos L Halper (@misslucyp) February 14, 2020
24.
morpheus: take the blue pill AND the red pill and i'll show you how deep the rabbit hole goes
me: they both taste exactly the same
morpheus: *waving skittles packet* RIGHT?
me: OH MY GOD
— Red's Surreal Vehicle (@surrealvehicle) February 20, 2020
25.
Aaaa…CHOO! pic.twitter.com/StM1J5xNO8
— Jeffw (@Jeffwni) February 23, 2020
26.
[product design meeting:]
as we all know, women only ever need handbags to either carry one single pen or seventeen melons,
— Marie Le Conte (@youngvulgarian) March 1, 2020
27.
Seems a perfectly reasonable justification for my forthcoming killing spree. pic.twitter.com/son1CkjNhq
— Jason Hazeley (@JasonHazeley) March 1, 2020
28.
ME: I’m like a bird, I’ll
NELLY FURTADO: only fly away
ME: *scribbling out ‘shit on your car’* Yeah, that’s probably better.
— FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF (@sofarrsogud) March 7, 2020
29.
When your Nan gets her Vajazzle pic.twitter.com/BxiMfl4Y1q
— Sarah (@idlewildgirl) March 7, 2020
30.
the hanks family are a compelling case study for nominative determinism.
if you call your kid colin, you’re getting a colin. and if you call your kid chet, you’re getting a chet. pic.twitter.com/VAJ10htmaW
— Daisy Bard (@DaisyBard) March 13, 2020
31.
Rest of the world: a single tap which mixes hot and cold water
UK: what about one freezing cold water tap and one scalding hot water tap? And a sign saying "caution – hot water"?
— Pessimus Prime – Santa edition (@BigJDubz) March 16, 2020
32.
This is fake duck. It’s lucky it wasn’t named by the people who called fake bacon ‘facon’. pic.twitter.com/Bf0983KSVz
— Mooseltoe Ꙭ (@MooseAllain) March 21, 2020
33.
So, Lisa, you lead a glamorous showbiz life. How is that?
Thanks for asking, Dermot. This morning I threw my shoulder out trying to take a picture of the bottom of my foot because I'm worried I've got a verruca and then cried because my yogurt has gone mouldy. I'm truly blessed.
— Twas the night before Holdsworth… (@WorksWithWords) April 2, 2020
34.
Thinking about watching #SlidingDoors on BBC1. Though I’m worried about the consequences if I don’t.
— Richard Osman (@richardosman) April 3, 2020
35.
Told my mum she was the best mum in the world this morning and she goes ‘well what about my mum?’ so now I’m sat here having to slag off gran to save an argument
— Chloe Petts (@ChloePetts) April 5, 2020
36.
THE COCKEREL: Nature's way of telling us that it's perfectly acceptable to start screaming the moment you wake up. pic.twitter.com/ndu4b452p2
— Geraint (@geraintgriffith) April 5, 2020
37.
Emmanuel Macron gets ready to scare Fiona Bruce when she turns around. pic.twitter.com/Pchy7l3tUT
— Ira Rainey (@IraRainey) April 13, 2020
38.
[guy about to invent magic 8-ball]
*kicking a ball* i could really use some vague advice
— Kayleecious🍧 (@TweetsByKaylee) April 21, 2020
39.
I’m locked out of my dogs Facebook account that i created in 2010 and they won’t let me back in unless I send over a copy of his drivers license
— soccerbabe2003, M.S. (@realemilyloud) April 26, 2020
40.
The cat definitely wrote the headline and subheadhttps://t.co/0rzSWA6g4y pic.twitter.com/atBMh92n1E
— Daniel MacEachern (@DanMacEachern) April 29, 2020
41.
I’ve invented a new word.
Plagiarism.— Gemma (@GemmaandDoc) May 2, 2020
42.
Read a press release from Heinz saying "We will NEVER make a Bolognese version of Alphabetti Spaghetti" – I thought blimey they don't mince their words.
— Olaf Falafel (@OFalafel) May 4, 2020
43.
Sorry, it’s absolutely mad that all the Von Trapp children have the same bedtime. No wonder the sixteen-year-old is sneaking out to sing with nazi postmen.
— Hannah Duncombe (@HannahDuncombe) May 3, 2020
44.
Glad the dog was up this morning to take my delivery in… 👏🏻 pic.twitter.com/r6XNndFv5G
— Tom Davies 🇬🇧 (@Tom_D98) May 12, 2020
45.
Cookie Monster has forward facing eyes mounted high upon his head.
This suggests Cookie Monster is a submerged, ambush predator.
Just something to consider.
— SwiggitySwooty DocWolvy Gonna Medicate That Booty (@Doc_Wolverine) May 12, 2020
46.
lots of people think helicopter is made up of 'heli' and 'copter' but in fact it's from the greek 'helico' ('whirly') and 'pter' ('bastard')
— joe (@mutablejoe) May 17, 2020
47.
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? You smell of bins.
— GlennyRodge (@GlennyRodge) May 22, 2020
48.
Looks like the horse has learnt to make signs. Your move, alpacas. pic.twitter.com/IIrYfsiKbq
— John Finnemore (@JohnFinnemore) May 25, 2020
49.
Holy shit, Icke was right. pic.twitter.com/0x88dq9bFx
— Wee Potatoes (@WeePotatoes) June 13, 2020
50.
tesco has joined the war on journalism pic.twitter.com/zTTYtWXaYZ
— aoife (@aoiph) June 13, 2020