Our 25 favourite funny tweets from this week
We walked through the valley of the shadow of angry Twitter to find tweets that are worthy of your attention. If you like them, give them a retweet and/or a follow.
1.
was feeling really sad but then I saw a cushion with SMILE written on it and now I’m happy because I’ve set it on fire
— Laura Claxton (@fairycakes) May 14, 2021
2.
Jesus: One of you will bertay me tonight
James: Bertay
John: Bertay
Thomas: Did this mfer just say Bertay?
*~ James changed the Chat Name to 'Bertay' ~*
Judas: Hey Romans, it's that dumbass saying Bertay over there lol
— Stephen is a famous goblin warrior with many sons (@stepheniscowboy) May 15, 2021
3.
duck: we need more bread
birds: yeah
robin: and sturdier twigs to build our homes
birds: yeah
woodpecker: and we have to stop smashing our heads against trees all the time
birds:
woodpecker: we’re all doing that, right lol
— soul nate (@MNateShyamalan) May 15, 2021
4.
I’m sorry doors like this in a house are so embarrassing. Like imagine getting in a fight with your boyfriend and you have to walk to your room and roll-close your barn door. pic.twitter.com/H917RUE02N
— Michael Benjamin (@mfbenji) May 14, 2021
5.
Sad news. The man who invented spaghetti cooked in curdled milk has pasta whey.
— Nick Harvey (@mrnickharvey) May 17, 2021
6.
Yes! pic.twitter.com/UU0CAudmwm
— Diana Rigg's Pre Curtain Pork Pie (@MoreUtterPiffle) May 15, 2021
7.
my daughter was like mom can you get my balloon?
no thefuck i cannot. pic.twitter.com/7L7wi3gMPC
— my name is no. (@om_eye_goodness) May 16, 2021
8.
Grand Designs. Always the same. ‘Our house will be built entirely out of eagle feathers. We’ve found a site near the top of an active volcano. We reckon it’ll take a fortnight and cost three grand.’
— Damien Owens (@OwensDamien) May 16, 2021
9.
Lots of people asking for my workout routine so here goes!
1. Stay out of gym for 2 weeks
2. Go to gym in a panic
3. No warm up
4. Pull back out doing a deadlift
5. Go for massage where you’re told you have an “old back”
6. Buy huge lump of cheese
7. Return to step 1
— Ed Gamble (@EdGambleComedy) May 18, 2021
10.
“Mesa written a book called ‘1984’…” – Jar Jar-Well.
— Flups (@TheRealFlups) May 20, 2021
11.
every day i feed my cats the exact same thing and every day they look at me like i got their order wrong
— slate (@PleaseBeGneiss) May 17, 2021
12.
( ) I’m in pic.twitter.com/Ehui1iwIzN
— Thinkwert (@Thinkwert) May 17, 2021