This tip to ‘drive employee retention and success’ had people hollering into next week
Over in the corner of Reddit called ‘antiwork’ people fill it with tales of employers you’re really very glad you don’t work for and – just occasionally – these bosses being given exactly what they deserve.
And this one was slightly out of the ordinary. It’s a post by @muchnerve over on Twitter of a screenshot of an apparently expert guide to help HR people ‘drive employee retention and success’.
And it had people hollering into next week.
Here’s a little bit more of what @muchnerve had to say.
i’m absolutely certain that the vast majority of resignations are because of insufficient pay or mistreatment, with the remainder (probably less than 10%) being reasons like having to relocate for family or becoming too disabled to continue working
— Vivian (@muchnerve) May 23, 2022
employer: “how can i boost employee retention??”
everyone else: “pay at or above the market rates for their roles, provide benefits, and go out of your way to foster an environment where it’s safe and effective for employees to vocalize discomfort with things.”
employers: “???”
— Vivian (@muchnerve) May 23, 2022
oh also give annual raises equal to or greater than inflation because otherwise you’re actually giving a pay cut.
it’d be great if money weren’t required to not be homeless, medically neglected, starving, or otherwise made to suffer but that just isn’t the case
— Vivian (@muchnerve) May 23, 2022
reiterating that i define a living wage as 5x the median rent for a one bedroom apartment within the same zip code as the workplace premises, because rent should not exceed 20% of income.
if 5x the median rent is a big number, take it up with the landlords. it’s their fault.
— Vivian (@muchnerve) May 25, 2022
And these are our favourite things people said about it on Reddit.
‘This would make me quit on the spot, insane logic!’
FourOne4‘Like these people would ever pay attention to an exit interview. Companies like this skew the results to fit whatever narrative absolves them of needing to change.’
DammitMatt‘It’s funny cause most of the places that have stupid shit like ping pong tables don’t give you enough time away from work to actually use them.’
piotrowskid‘My work did that, put a ping pong table in the break room. I found a cheap multi-arcade 1/2 cabinet and snuck it in there, a couple of other developers brought in a TV, WII, Xbox, PS4, a bunch of games and some bean bag chairs.
‘Took management almost two years to figure out we turned a conference room into a fun break room, happened just before we went on work from home. They freaked out when they realized what we had done and made us take all, but the ping pong table out.’
GlassWasteland
And finally, this.
Scene: Exit interview, a smallish office cube.
HR: So, I’m supposed to ask you before you leave. Why are you leaving?
Employee: No ping-pong table.’
BoredBSEE
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Source Twitter @muchnerve Reddit u/turquoiseweirwood