25 favourite funny tweets of the week
It’s almost the weekend, and you know what that means, don’t you? It’s funny tweets round-up day here at the Poke, and we think we’ve found some Twitter treasure for you.
If you like them, give them a retweet.
1.
Being a toddler must be wild. Imagine thinking your own mother is trying to poison you when they give you a homemade vegetable quesadilla then going and eating the dirt out of a potted plant instead.
— An Apple Hat (@AnAppleHat) October 20, 2022
2.
me: i’ll have the mouse for dessert
waiter: that’s mousse, sir
me: hmm, that’ll be too much
— here lies fredesque 🪦 (@FredTaming) October 16, 2022
3.
Dragon’s Den idea:
An app like the one below for plants, except you point your phone at an actor on the telly and it tells you what else they’ve been in. pic.twitter.com/G9JsXbW0hv
— rab livingstone (@rablivingstone) October 16, 2022
4.
The joy of cancelling dinner with a friend knowing they'll be just as delighted at an unexpected free night as they would have been seeing you.
— Jojo Moyes (@jojomoyes) October 17, 2022
5.
[Freddy Krueger comes to kill me in a nightmare]
Me: OMG I can't believe I'm actually sleeping.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) October 17, 2022
6.
try moving furniture together before you decide to get married
— McDad (@mcdadstuff) October 16, 2022
7.
If by yoga you mean reaching the outlet to plug in my charger without getting out of bed, then yes, I do yoga
— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) October 16, 2022
8.
A roomba that swears every time it hits something.
— Thinking Munk (@thinkingmunk) October 16, 2022
9.
my dog when she sees a vacuum: i have no concept of heaven and hell but holy shit you are the devil
— Adam (@adamgreattweet) October 16, 2022
10.
“ew what is that?” is my child’s adorable way of asking what’s for dinner
— Midge (@mxmclain) October 16, 2022
11.
My daughter’s Starbucks addiction has become so severe that she’s routinely calling me by the wrong name now
— Luke+ (@lukeplusone) October 20, 2022
12.
Time outs are bad for smart kids. Make them a helper instead. You don’t want to give them MORE time to plot and scheme. Are you trying to make a supervillain?!
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) October 16, 2022