Our 25 favourite funny tweets of the week
It’s the weekend – practically – and we’ve been trawling Twitter to bring you the best tweets from the past seven days. We hope you enjoy five minutes’ peace to read them in, and find someone new to follow.
1.
So sweet. A lady on the 22:40 to Alicante has just had such a surprise. She sat down and her son walked out the cockpit, in full pilot’s uniform. To say she was shocked was an understatement. Mainly because he’s a bricklayer. Anyway, severe delays while the police arrest him.
— Stansaid Airport (@StansaidAirport) October 29, 2022
2.
Looks like the opening scene of a Richard Curtis film… pic.twitter.com/zYvhJm7DMG
— James Oh Brien (@mrjamesob) October 31, 2022
3.
I’ll catch the Roadrunner without the help of outlandish products that will likely backfire and fail.
Don’t ACME
— Luke+ (@lukeplusone) October 29, 2022
4.
and The Heartbreakers pic.twitter.com/ZP15kZRH7O
— Marco Rossi (@marcosquawks) November 1, 2022
5.
someone seems pretty darn determined to make use of that english lit degree pic.twitter.com/5RVo3JofOW
— Uncle Duke (@UncleDuke1969) November 1, 2022
6.
Two and a half days straight is a hell of a flat pack assembly. pic.twitter.com/XCB4v7SJf7
— David KC (@DavidMuttering) November 1, 2022
7.
With people glueing themselves to paintings it really is getting harder to separate the art from the artist
— William Stone (@itswilliamstone) November 1, 2022
8.
me: I’m still young
also me: [touching my knee] it’s gonna rain
— LibertyLayne (@LibertyLayne01) November 1, 2022
9.
Devil on my shoulder: Eat that entire bucket of chicken
Devil on my other shoulder: But peel the skin off and wear it on your face first
— Jin, Lurker Bee (@EdgarPoop1) October 31, 2022
10.
My dream is to be the first person to ever wake up and say wow, cutting my own hair drunk last night was a great idea. But today is not that day
— Coach Rusty (@rusty_coach) October 31, 2022
11.
when u see something bad happen in slow motion: pic.twitter.com/laWTfGiHlF
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) November 2, 2022
12.
God: you’re a kiwi.
Kiwi: so I’m a bird but I can’t fly?
God: true but you can do something other birds CAN’T.
Kiwi: really what’s that?
God: you can smell through your beak so good!
Kiwi:
God:
Kiwi: wanna know what I smell right now?
God: sure!
Kiwi: I smell bullsh-
— God Creating Animals (@GodAnimalBooks) November 1, 2022