Doctors have been sharing tales of patients so lacking in common sense it’s a miracle they’re alive – 17 jaw-droppers
Over on Reddit doctors – well, not just doctors, but all sorts of medical professions – have been sharing stories of patients who, to put it kindly, lacked a bit of common sense.
Or, to be fair to most of them, any semblance of common sense whatsoever, after Redditor babyhippo01 asked this.
‘Medical professionals of Reddit, have you ever had a patient so lacking in common sense you wondered how they made it this far. If so, what is your story?’
And it prompted no end of eye-opening replies. These 17 are surely the most jaw-dropping.
1.
‘I’m in the ER. So many stories. The one that left me dumbfounded was a woman was brought in by her sister for pelvic cramps, amenorrhea for three months. Lo and behold, she’s pregnant.
‘Sister informs me that she sleeps with the Brazilian construction workers building the condo complex next door.
‘I ask if they have any questions. The patient asked me if her baby would come out speaking Spanish.
‘After a long pause, and her sister staring at the ceiling, I told her, No, because they speak Portuguese in Brazil. Patient seemed relieved and the sister hustled her out of the ER before I could discharge her.’
AMostSoberFellow
2.
‘Saw a chart once where a person came in for a burn to their eye. They told the Dr they read online that warm milk in the eye can help with irritation and their eyes were irritated.
‘So they BOILED milk and then poured it in their eye. Burned it all.’
likeeggs
3.
‘Had a patient come in for facial burns because he smoked while wearing his oxygen….twice….in the same week….’
MrWizard311
4.
‘Optometrist here.
‘Patient booked in for an emergency appointment, with a raging red eye. Clearly very painful…
‘Look under the microscope and the cornea is really not happy, wobbly reflexes, haziness, the works.
‘Me: “What happened?”
‘Patient: “It’s my niece’s wedding this Saturday, and I wanted to tint my eyelashes to match my hair and the colour scheme of the wedding [light blue], so I used the same dye for both to match the colour”.
‘Me: “Does that hair dye contain ammonia, by any chance?”
‘Patient: “I think so. Do you think my eye will be better by Saturday? Will it match the colour scheme?”
‘Me: “Unless you can convice then to change the colour scheme to red, no”.
the_topiary
5.
‘Rural ER doc here: 35 year old female walks in with right sided jaw/neck swelling. “I think it happened because I ate some meat yesterday that my body is reacting to.”
‘Ten minutes later: “Oh yeah, and I accidentally swallowed a bee and it stung me in my mouth right before this happened. Sorry I forgot to mention that.”
Shoeflinger
6.
‘Optometrist here. If I had a nickel for every time someone said they use urine for eyedrops I would have $0.10. Which is not a lot, but it’s weird that it happened twice.’
Aeder42
7.
‘Had an adult male patient who needed a Foley catheter. His mother was in the room, and they both lived together in the backwoods of TN. I informed them both of the order for a catheter, how it works, and why it was needed.
‘His mother stated “Well he’s still a virgin and I’m not sure I’m comfortable with his virginity being taken in a hospital.”
blue_monkeys
8.
‘This happened in med school on my OB/GYN rotation.
‘Patient: who’s the baby gonna look like?
‘Me: what do you mean?
‘Patient: well is it gonna look like the dude who got me pregnant or the guy who’s been nutting in me the last few months?
‘Me: utterly speechless the baby should look like the people who conceived it.
‘This person is now a parent.’
Trisomy__21
9.
“So, you’re lactose intolerant?”
“yes”
“And you knew this before?”
“yes”
“And you drank a milkshake?”
“yes”
“What size?”
“Large”
‘The rest of the night was the kid screaming and groaning in the ED waiting room.’
TheNonCredibleHulk