Our Favourite Funny Tweets of the Year (Part 1)
In the words of John Lennon, “And so this is Christmas, and what have you done?” – well, we’ve done a round-up of the year’s funniest tweets, and there were so many, we’ve had to split it into two parts.
Here’s the first part …we hope it’s a good one.
1.
A short story about decisions. pic.twitter.com/YpuVicH2vn
— jim rose circus (@jimrosecircus1) January 3, 2023
2.
Hi. I’m a mom, but you might know me as “didn’t look inside my kid’s folder and find homework for break until 8:30am this morning”
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) January 3, 2023
3.
Why do I see days old posts as though they have just been tweeted. I've just given my hot take on something that happened in 1588.
— Shaparak Khorsandi شاپرک خرسندی (@ShappiKhorsandi) January 12, 2023
4.
Now I have a son in high school, I know that the brands the teens currently love best are Berghaus and North Face. I wanted to look like a teenage vampire, the current kids want to look like 40 year old hillwalkers.
— Felicity Hannah (@FelicityHannah) January 11, 2023
5.
Could someone help me with a culinary question: what is “leftover bacon”?
— Alton Brown (@altonbrown) January 9, 2023
6.
For years I've been buying cappuccino pods for my coffee machine. Only today have I realised that the brown pods are coffee and the white pods are milk. I always wondered why they tasted different but it turns out I've been drinking warm milk and black coffee.
— Fesshole (@fesshole) January 18, 2023
7.
This is such bollocks. 41 years ago two irresponsible people had unprotected sex and now I have to get up in the dark and go to work.
— Kate Lister (@k8_lister) January 16, 2023
8.
Husband: I bet she's thinking about other men
Me: If Arthur Tudor hadn't died young, would we still be a Catholic country, a sort of Cold Spain?— Gee Aitch Cee (@Scriblit) January 19, 2023
9.
Ooh, I know – is it rent? pic.twitter.com/RtUzFrTVWn
— Dan Wilson Craw (@danwilsoncraw) January 21, 2023
10.
Totally loving Taylor Swift's suit, which is designed to break up her shape against the background, thereby making it difficult for German U-Boats to calculate her range, speed and direction. pic.twitter.com/qBBGoOLLg4
— Emma Manzini (@EmmaManzini) February 1, 2023
11.
“Give me back my clothes and I’ll give you back your pizza” pic.twitter.com/38EOccS9VP
— Flups (@TheRealFlups) February 7, 2023
12.
Nailed today's to-do list pic.twitter.com/PgA7bm2mDM
— Lev Parikian (@LevParikian) February 4, 2023
13.
Don’t know what’s more urgent. The problem that my child’s phone has broken or the problem that I am now A MUM?!!!! pic.twitter.com/Y4uFqW7PLp
— Rosie Jones (@josierones) February 13, 2023
14.
Me watching TV: a detective sergeant who is also a vet and can talk to animals? Seems far fetched but enjoyable.
Me watching TV with medical things: you can't give 48% oxygen via a Venturi system you imbecile, you fool. How fucking dare you.
— Dr Philip Lee (@drphiliplee1) February 14, 2023
15.
Spotted this continuity error in TITANIC.
As the ship is sinking this guy starts singing “Gangsta’s Paradise” by Coolio. The Titanic sank in 1912, “Gangsta’s Paradise” wasn’t released until 1995, over 80 years AFTER Titanic sank. A bit of an embarrassing mistake really pic.twitter.com/tVX9eOFkMx
— lewisjwr (@lewisjwr) February 15, 2023
16.
I prefer the term stripey camel. pic.twitter.com/SMH98vssfW
— Paul (@bingowings14) February 16, 2023
17.
For a second there I thought this woman was lighting a parrot's cigarette pic.twitter.com/AlVwKXc4sV
— joe heenan (@joeheenan) February 22, 2023
18.
if my ancestors could see how many spices I have, they would think I'm the most successful person in history
— i bless the rains down in castamere (@Chinchillazllla) February 20, 2023
19.
Want to write adverts? Can you swap nouns for adjectives? You've got the job.
Find your happy, in marketing.
— Alasdair Beckett-King (@MisterABK) February 26, 2023
20.
Still far too much of my kitchen cupboard space is taken up by ingredients that I needed 5g of for a recipe that I made once 9 years ago, which tasted awful.
— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) February 27, 2023
21.
Every time I see these stickers around town I can't help but think that it sounds like the person got attacked by a bear halfway through typing them out. pic.twitter.com/DnkPydJ1IK
— TechnicallyRon (On all the platforms) (@TechnicallyRon) March 5, 2023
22.
Mechanic: Your car's got a flat
Me: It's called a garage— Andy Ryan (@ItsAndyRyan) March 9, 2023
23.
Not to feed in to the London stereotype BUT I just introduced myself to my new neighbours moving in… only to discover that they are in fact my current neighbours, who have lived next door to me for four years, moving out
— Gareth King (@garethking_) March 15, 2023
24.
The Eighteen Ronnies pic.twitter.com/k0ESFtwhsU
— Sarah Dempster (@Dempster2000) March 14, 2023
25.
they should hide prizes in more boxes than just cereal, I’d love to reach into my laundry detergent and find a colour changing spoon
— stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) March 14, 2023