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Adrian Chiles passes the Guardian column vibe check – but why are they always so random? 15 of the best

Former sports journalist and presenter Adrian Chiles has carved out an unlikely career as the writer of the UK’s most random Guardian columns – and, let’s face it, that’s a challenging field.

There’s no subject so trivial or left-field that he can’t get an entertaining few column inches out of it.

Like these –

I have a urinal in my flat and it has changed my life, so why are people appalled?

I should be proud to feature in a hunky Top Trumps but ny scores are terrible

Croatia has enchanting words for genitalia - so why doesn't the UK?

We’ve trawled through his output over the past year and picked a few favourites. See what you think.

1.

How can you tell if someone’s really an atheist? Watch them at a penalty shootout

2.

Orderly queues in pubs? They’re extremely civil - but need to end now

3.

It’s never OK to look at your phone in church – unless you’re checking the score

4.

I'd love to laugh like a baby again. But the best I can hope for is a big sneeze.

5.

It took me 30 years to learn to love lapsang souchong – but now it’s all gone horribly wrong

6.

What age should you start Swedish death cleaning? Forty-seven sounds about right

7.

A 20mph speed limit seemed unfeasible – until I learned to love pootling along

8.

Pointless hats, trousers that are too short, trousers that show off your bum … I’ll never understand fashion

9.

I’ve wasted 7,300 hours lazing in bed in the morning. Why can’t I just get up?

10.

Do I really look like Ukraine’s top general? I have a much nicer forehead

11.

How did I spend Halloween? With an incredible group of nuns

12.

Want a glimpse of dystopia? Visit the self-service checkouts

13.

I am cursed to wear compression socks. Spare a thought for me this summer

14.

Has a friend passed out in your kitchen? Ask yourself ‘What would Braverman do?’

15.

A few wise words have stopped me eating like a barnyard animal

With spring on the horizon, this seems timely.

The unspoken truth about gardening? It is a relentless, unwinnable war

Duly noted.

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Adrian Chiles’s latest column is another bullseye from the master of random

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