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This writer’s A+ wordplay perfectly describes England’s dismal performance against Denmark (wait for the payoff!)

Poke Reporter. Updated June 21st, 2024

Like many fans after the England v Denmark game, Guardian sports writer Jonathan Liew found himself struggling to articulate just what exactly felt missing from the Euros draw on Thursday.

But Jonathan hit on an inspired way to describe England’s subpar performance in their second Euros outing in his analysis piece in The Guardian.

Stick with this, we promise it’s worth it.

You need to read the two paragraphs below – and the twist in the tale is revealed at the end of the second para.

And just in case that’s tricky to read in full, here it is again.

‘Yet these were not the only grounds for the disorienting disposition of this encounter. Every time the men in white took possession of the sphere in the proximity of the left wing, they were consistently forced to funnel it, in turn, to the centre of the pitch, rendering most of their offensive efforts tortured, even disjointed. The side in red could simply defend their territory in the middle with impunity, secure in the knowledge their opponents were powerless to hurt them on their right verge.

‘That’s a pretty terrible paragraph, right? But that’s what happens when you wilfully restrict your options. You have Kieran Trippier, a right-footed left-back who doesn’t even bother trying to disguise the fact – no feint, no shimmy, no darting eyes – that he’s going to turn back inside. You have Phil Foden, a left-footed player with very little interest in playing on the left wing, who always wants to come short into the central areas. England are essentially a team playing on 70% of the pitch, which is like trying to write an entire paragraph – like I did above – without using the letter A.’

People were quick to appreciate Liew’s clever wordplay.

And Jonathan himself knows he deserves credit for his verbal trickery.

And, as former Guardian editor, Alan Rusbridger pointed out, Jonathan would have written this on deadline too.

Very well done sir, for it is indeed extremely difficult to write something well without using the first of the 26 letters.

As we’ve shown in that above sentence.

H/T: The Guardian and Jonathan Liew.